Subject: Fathers Finding Time
From: <[email-masked]>
To: <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 20 Nov 2005 13:24:06 +1100

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Issue 169 - 21st November 2005 	Go to our website Here
<http://www.fathersonline.org/> 	 
 
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*	Welcome
*	Grandads
*	Laughter
*	Single Dads
*	Special Feature
*	Thought of the Week
*	Media Release
*	News & Info
*	Dad's Prayer
*	About Us

Welcome

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Clive Hamilton in his new book, Affluenza © 2005, Allen & Unwin, tells
the story of a Sydney banker. A Sydney merchant banker who worked very
long hours was persuaded by his wife to take a day off work to spend
some time with his teenage son David. David pined for his dad's
attention, but he was always too busy. Nevertheless, the banker took a
day off and they spent a magical day sailing. Although never repeated
David stored it in his memory as the wonderful day he spent alone with
his father.

A few years later the merchant banker died suddenly of a heart attack
and David, now in his twenties, found his father's work diaries when
going through his things. He opened one up to the date they went
sailing. His father had written: 'Complete waste of a day'.

Such is the increased pressure to work long hours that many fathers find
themselves turning down time with their children to put more time in at
the office. Clive Hamilton goes on to say: Many Australians still see
themselves as living in the land of the long weekend. But for most
Australian workers having a sickie, knocking off for smoko and taking
long lunches are things of the past. During the last twenty years there
has been a gradual but relentless increase in working time in most
organisations - so much so that Australians now work the longest hours
in the developed world: 1855 hours a year compared with 1835 in the
United States and an OECD average of 1643. Our first placing is even
more noteworthy for the fact that Australia has the second-highest
proportion of part-time employees (27 per cent) in the workforce,
something that acts to drag down the average.

Only 28 per cent of employees work a standard week of between 35 and 40
hours. This is partly because of the growing importance of part-time and
casual work but also because of the fact that 42 percent of men in
full-time jobs work more than 45 hours a week (the equivalent of a
nine-hour day), more than 30 percent work more than 50 hours a week (a
ten-hour day) and nearly 15 per cent work more than 60 hours a week (a
twelve-hour day). The proportion of men working these long hours has
grown substantially in the past twenty years.

Part of a father's role is to be a provider, but he shouldn't be a
slave. Margaret Fuller says, "Men for the sake of getting a living,
forget to live". Senator Steve Fielding said in his maiden speech,
"There seems to be a growing concern that many Australians are there to
serve the market rather than the market being a tool to serve them,
especially families and small businesses . . . Australians are not
economic units, households are not harbours of consumption and children
are not commodities". Many within parliament and media attacked Senator
Fielding for his comments just as they had previously attacked Clive
Hamilton. It is not wrong to work hard or work long hours for a
particular reason, but when those extreme work habits are occurring
every day of the week and extending to every day of the year; you know
you have got a problem. Jesus said, 'What does it profit a man if he
gains the whole world but loses his own soul?. We need to understand
that in our modern world there is more than one form of poverty. As a
community we suffer as much from poverty of relationships and poverty of
time as much as others suffer financial and material poverty. This
requires a set of values which go beyond our current materialistic
mindset.

Lovework

Change don't come easy. Review your own work hours. Ask the hard
questions. Are your work habits creating a poverty of relationships in
your family? If so, change course now before it is too late. On another
level the Fatherhood Foundation has some strong concerns about some
aspects of the current IR Reform. We agree that some change is needed,
but do we have to throw the baby out with the bathwater! Sundays and
public holidays are important times to spend with our families and
rejuvenate our spirits. Penalty rates, whilst an inconvenience for
business, are a blessing for families in our time-poor world. The human
pulse rate slows down once every seven days, why shouldn't we?

Please read our Media Release on this important subject, and if you
agree please make your case known to your local federal member at
www.aph.gov.au <http://www.aph.gov.au/>   

Yours for more family time

Warwick Marsh

________________________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 29 years. He is the father
of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 24 years
to 12 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public
speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

 
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> 

Men will spend their health getting wealth;

then gladly pay all they have earned

to get their health back.

Mike Murdoch

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orking_out.gif> 

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Laughter

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A married couple were sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looked
over at a nearby table and saw a man in a drunken stupor.

The husband asked, "I notice you've been watching that man for some time
now.  Do you know him?"

"Yes", she replied.  "He's my ex-husband and has been drinking like that
since I left him seven years ago."

"That's remarkable," the husband replied.  "I wouldn't think anybody
could celebrate that long."

Services will be held at 2:30pm Saturday at Forever Green Mortuary.

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________________________________________________________

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because
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_parking_only.gif> he had an important meeting and couldn't find a
parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me.  If you find me a
parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and
give up me Irish Whiskey".

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind I found one."

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Single Dads

 
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> Another Dad Hangs Himself in the Same Courthouse

that Denies him his Children

Could you please, please get this story out there! We desperately need
to stop this from happening again. This is the second time in the same
court. Now 2 kids don't have a dad, a mum, dad and family are left
grieving. Just weeks ago a 16 year old young girl devastated by her
parents divorce, suicided in her old family home see
www.dadsindistress.asn.au <http://www.dadsindistress.asn.au/>   Tony
Millers Diary. The author is (our dids' solicitor). Contact details are
below. This guy was an accountant, had a good job and was no dill.
Hopelessness and Fatherlessness just caught up with him. He approached
court staff for help and was apparently turned away. This has got to
stop, we need your help. 

Tony Miller DIDS 

1300 853437

[email-masked] <mailto:[email-masked]>    

www.dadsindistress.asn.au <http://www.dadsindistress.asn.au/>  

PS Please encourage your readers to post the story on to their local MP.

Dear Friends

An amazing couple of months has just past. For your information I have
prepared this email in concern of a Family Law system that has been
overloaded by new applications filings in the Family Law Court and
Federal Magistrate Court.

There have been approximately 20,000 new applications filed in the last
few months. The system is overloading and now there is a waiting list of
up to 6 to 12 months on Interim Order Applications and up to 2 years on
Final Order Applications in most registries. This waiting period is
usually referred to as the period you don't get to see your kids. Sort
of like Alienation by Default. No wonder they don?t recognise the
syndrome part of 'Alienation' as they are the creators of it or at the
very least allow it to occur. 

The reasons for such a large number of new filings in a short period are
unknown to the everyday person including some of the system workers that
include the family court itself. I believe it could be for number of
reasons, they are as follows:

1. To avoid the use of Family Mediation Centres. Everybody is rushing to
get their matter before the court, a bit like Boxing Day rush sales. The
solicitors would be the cause of such a situation in most cases and this
has been discussed in their Bar associations. 

2. Knowing that the system is overloaded is another excuse to create
status quo by refusing contact until orders are in placed. ie: 'he is
not going to return the children' excuse. 

3. People are trying to get in for a last ditched attempt to avoid the
new changes. 

4. Legal advantage of this occurring is greater for the resident parent.
Unfortunately this is occurring right now. When is it going to stop. Who
knows???

The Casualties

I am ANGRY about this situation, believe me. I had friend, a MATE, in
the Brisbane registry yesterday after attempting to file his documents
and being informed it would take up to 10 months to see his kids. He
simple went to the toilets at the registry and tied his tie to the
sprinkler system and hung himself in hopelessness. He has two children
Jacob 6yrs and Michael 10 yrs. Two children now left without a DAD due
to a failing system. I spoke to his mother and family last night they
are all upset beyond belief.

I don't know about you but a part of me dies when a mate dies in
hopelessness. I am overwhelmed now in writing this email and well, have
not much else to say,other then if you would like to say a prayer or
maybe just consider my mate Andrew and his family in your thoughts that
would be great.

Yours faithfully

Shane Moy

DIDS Legal Adviser 

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Special Feature

 
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> "He Was a Good Man"

Then when he had come and witnessed the grace of God, he rejoiced and
began to encourage them all with resolute heart to remain true to the
Lord; for he was a good man.
Acts 11:23,24

What memories do you have of your father? What legacy did he leave with
you?

One way to learn more about yourself is to think back on your father's
character. I enjoy doing this because my dad had such an influence on
the type of man I am today.

My dad was a unique blend of no-nonsense and discipline with a subtle
sense of humor. He was a quiet and private man. He didn't seem to need
many words to get the job done.

His countenance commanded respect. In fact, several boys had personality
transformations when they graduated from the third-grade Sunday School
class to my dad's fourth-grade class. Paper airplanes were grounded and
eight boys sat up straight, listening dutifully to the lesson.

I recall the easy chair that used to carry the shape of his exhausted
form. It was as he read the evening paper that I usually planned my
assault on him. I'm sure I nearly pestered my weary dad to death while
asking him to play catch.

"Hook" Rainey, they used to call him. The tall lefty got his nickname
from his curve ball-a pitch so crooked it mystified batters. When he
threw that patented knuckler, the entire front yard was filled with
laughter-his and mine. I always loved to hear him laugh. Somehow it told
me that everything was secure.

When I was three or so, he went hunting in Colorado and "bagged" a
fierce teddy bear. He staged the "action" on film and brought the
"slain" beast back to me. My kids now play with that well-worn,
45-year-old black-and-white bear.

I watched Dad look after the needs of his mother-he used to visit her
three or four times a week. He modeled what it meant to honor one's
parents. Most important, he taught me about character. He did what was
right, even when no one was looking. I never heard him lie, and his eyes
always demanded the same truth in return. The mental image of his
character still fuels and energizes my life today.

________________________________________________________

Visit Dennis and Barbara Rainey at http://www.familylife.com/ . They
have great resources and support for families.

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Thought of the Week

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Men for the sake of getting a living

forget to live.

Margaret Fuller

 

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Media Release

Media Release

IR Reform Needs Reform - Family Time Needs Protection

Don't Throw the Baby out with the Bathwater

The Fatherhood Foundation is concerned that families will
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suffer more under proposed work choice legislation for a number of
different reasons.

Fatherlessness is costing Australia 13 billion dollars per year. Family
breakdown is the single biggest contributor to fatherlessness. Fathers
that are time-poor because of long hours at work are now likely to be
forced to work on Sundays and public holidays just to keep a job for a
family they won't be able to see. Fathers need time with their families.
Marriages also suffer in time-poor families. Penalty rates on Sundays
and public holidays help protect fathers' time with their wives and
children. Any employer that wants to take a father away from his family
on a Sunday or public holiday needs to pay a premium for that privilege.

Australian Fathers Work Longest Hours in the World (OECD)

The founder of the Fatherhood Foundation, Warwick Marsh says,
"Australian fathers are working more hours than any other fathers in the
developed world. The current IR Legislation is likely to see more
fathers working longer hours on Sundays and public holidays as the full
effect of the reforms take effect. Australian men are working 1855 hours
per year compared with OECD average of 1643. Our first placing in hours
worked in the developed world is even more frightening in the light of
the fact that Australia has the second highest proportion of part time
employees in the workforce. This high proportion of part time employees
drags down our national average of hours worked per year. We are
actually working longer than we think: 42% of men in full time jobs work
more than 45 hours per week, 30% of men work more than 50 hours per week
and 15% work more than 60 hours per week. The proportion of men working
these long hours has grown substantially in the past twenty years."

Market Forces Reign Supreme - Family Relationships Expendable

There seems to be a growing view that fathers, mothers and children are
economic units that will be rated only on their ability to serve the
sacred theory of economic rationalism. Production is paramount. Fathers
and family relationships are expendable if they do not serve the market
forces 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. For a government that proposes to
fight for family values some parts of the current IR Legislation are
much more likely to achieve the opposite effect. The human pulse rate
slows down every seven days, why don't we do the same? Let's help
families not hinder them.

Fathers need family time. Fathers, mothers and children need time
together for rest and recreation. We call on the government to protect
families and reform the IR reform, not throw the baby out with the bath
water.!

For more information contact:

Warwick Marsh - 0418 225 212 or 02 4272 6677

Fatherhood Foundation

PO Box 440

Wollongong NSW 2520

www.fathersonline.org <http://www.fathersonline.org/>  

[email-masked]  

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News & Info

 
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g> 

Fatherhood Foundation

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

We call for our readers to contact the CEO of SBS Television and ask for
a public apology for the appalling gender bias against men shown on last
weeks Family Law Reform Program.

Failing a public apology the Fatherhood Foundation. Lone Fathers and
Dads in Distress call for the Men of Australia to vote with the chanel
switcher.

Dudded Dad Wins OK for Compo Fight

by Norrie Ross - Law Reporter - Herald Sun

19 Nov 05

http://www.heraldsun.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5478,17291503%255E2
862,00.html
<http://www.heraldsun.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5478,17291503%255E
2862,00.html>   

A man who found he was supporting two children he had not fathered can
continue his fight for compensation.

Liam Magill, 54, hugged his current partner after the High Court
yesterday granted him special leave to appeal against a ruling that he
was not entitled to compensation. During arguments in the case Justice
Michael Kirby said the issues of parenthood were important in an age of
DNA testing.

In March, the Victorian Court of Appeal stripped Mr Magill of a $70,000
County Court payout from his ex-wife, Meredith, on a legal technicality.

Mr Magill had said birth certificates shown to him by his ex-wife led
him to believe he was the father of a daughter and son.

However, the appeal judges ruled the certificates only proved children
had the surname Magill and his claim was legally too narrow.

Opposing a grant of special leave yesterday, Fiona McLeod SC, for
Meredith Magill, said there was no evidence Mr Magill relied on the
certificates.

But Justice Kirby said Mr Magill was a husband who had fathered another
child to his ex-wife.

He had no grounds at the time to worry that he was the father of his
other two children, the judge said.

In his lawsuit Mr Magill said DNA tests in 2000 showed two of his three
children were fathered by his ex-wife's secret lover.

He said he had been deceived and suffered psychological and economic
loss.

The High Court will hear the case in Canberra next year. Outside court
Mr Magill's lawyer, Vivien Mavropoulos said the issue was very important
for the community.

Letters

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

I missed receiving the 13th Nov news letter. I hope there is not a
problem. Being Mr Mom, I get inspiration from it when things become a
tad demanding from my two young girls.

Regards 

Trevor Brown.

Editors Note:  Please let us know if you ever miss a newsletter.  Our
system is undergoing some changes which of course can cause a few
teething problems.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

I'm a trainee clinical psychologist studying at the University of East
Anglia in the UK. I am currently carrying out some research on fathers.
In particular, I'm interested in fathers who were present at their
child's birth and it has been at least 3 months since their child was
born.

Fathers, up until recently have been quite neglected in psychological
research on parenting. I'm hoping to change this! However, I need a
large number of participants for my research to make it valid and
meaningful. To hopefully increase the numbers of people who are willing
to participate I am carrying out the research on the internet. As I am a
poor student I don't have money to pay for expensive adverts on websites
so I am hoping to find websites that may be willing to place a small
advert, or mention the research web address, for no charge.
Alternatively, it would be helpful if I could use the chat forum to
discuss my research in. In return, once the study is completed
(hopefully by July 2006), I can offer feedback and information about the
study.

The study has been given full ethical approval by the UEA ethics
committee and is totally anonymous. All information given by
participants will be encrypted so no one else can access this
information. I do not need participants email addresses or names and
they will be in no way identifiable to myself. Further information about
the study itself is given 

at the web address below.

I would be extremely grateful for any mention you can give to my
research on your website. My research can be located at : 

www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=675621318641 

If you have any further questions or queries about this please do not
hesitate to contact me at: [email-masked] 

Kind regards,

Catherine

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

I have just read the article written by Geoff Holland in last week's
Fatherhood Foundation Newsletter.  It is purely " Brilliant... and very
well done".

You are a credit to the cause.

Kind regards,

Clive Purt.

Western Australia.    

* * * * * * * * * *

Letters to the Editor

Goulburn Post

Dear Editor

Last week I read a letter in the Fatherhood Foundation Newsletter
(www.fathersonline.org <http://www.fathersonline.org/>  ) describing the
courage of your Federal Member (Alby Schultz) in standing up for what he
believes to be right - standing up for the "marginalised" against
injustice. The letter described his speech - and ACTION! - of supporting
a father who was 'shafted' by the 'system'.  I am not a "single dad" but
am aware of the plight of these men - and also of their children, who
are crucified by the "system?.  I am aware that change only comes when
there are NUMBERS who can validate the "lone voice of courage" that
dares to stand up - as he has done.  There is a large constituency of
hurting, "estranged" fathers out here that will give substance to his
voice - and others, like myself who will add their voices in the
interests of justice and restoration of "family" - even in cases where
this presently appears impossible.   If others support him on this
issue, with a bit of "people pressure" on key politicians of all colours
it will assist the process of change.

I congratulate him on his willingness to "make a difference" - for GOOD.
In words from the letter: 

"Writing from a national and even international perspective, the people
of Goulburn, irrespective of their political persuasion should stand up,
salute and treasure such a rare entity - a fair dinkum politician that
doesn't have his snout in the trough."

Well done!

Geoff D 

WA

* * * * * * * * * 

To Alby Schultz

Member of the Australian Parliament

Dear Alby

My name is Michael Hickman I am an Englishman who was born and grew up
in South Africa, I am presently in Auckland. 

Due to my children having been abducted to Germany ten years ago and my
battle to gain access to them I have become well informed on the
problems that fathers are experiencing world wide after separation or
divorce.

Time and again the name Alby Schultz comes up, you should be given a
medal or two for the great support you give fathers in Aussie.
Furthermore you are a great inspiration to others around the world.

Well done mate. It is a real pity that there are not more real men in
the world like you.

With my very best regards

Michael

 www.michael-hickman.org <http://www.michael-hickman.org/>  

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

Just letting you know that I have passed on my thanks to Alby for the
time he has taken to fight for the important balance of fathers in the
Family Law court. Alby took time out to pluck a single dad from his
potential suicide and the man was not even in Alby's electorate.
Goulburn should be well proud of Alby's commitment to fathers in this
area.

With blessings,

Steve Campbell

Narrawallee NSW

* * * * * * * * * * * * 

The Hon. Alby Schultz, M.P                                            

Member for Hume
15.11.05

Dear Alby, 

Through our Prayer House Ministry at Gundaroo, for many years we have
been praying for you and the politicians of the Government . . . Thank
you for what you have done, and for standing as a man of integrity and
values in the midst of great pressures.

I was so deeply touched in reading Warwick Marsh's recent story of when
speaking on the phone to a desperate father, he discovered that you have
helped this man to turn away from suicide, through your hearing his
plight and caring enough to get justice for him in relation to his
children. I appreciate so deeply your example of having a servant heart
and commitment to help the people of this nation.

This issue of the high level of suicide in the men of this nation has
troubled me deeply, and I have written to you previously asking for more
work to be done to help these men. I feel humbled to read this story as
I did not realize what you and your team were already doing and I want
to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your hard work and
commitment in standing for righteousness, life and justice against the
flow. You are an answer to the prayers of many I'm sure, being the
mighty man of compassion and wisdom that you are, and I am proud that
you are my Federal Member for the electorate of Hume, as we live in
Gundaroo.

Thank you also for how have supported Warwick & Alison Marsh, and the
Fatherhood Foundation, and Sexual Integrity Forum in their quest to see
the men of this nation have a fair go, and families released from
trouble. At these events I have seen that you have always faithfully
supported and responded  to these initiatives, at information times for
the members of the Government in the Parliament, and every time you have
taken time out of your busy schedule to stand and speak for families and
Christian values for which I am deeply grateful.  We will continue to
pray for the Lord to bless you and to increase your influence, to help
this nation reflect the values of Christ in our people.

Paul & Hilary Moroney

Gundaroo

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

In response to Joella's comments about shaming men,

I think that Joella means that Fatherhood Foundation should recognise
and avoid propagating the 'male deficiency' myth. The myth of male
deficiency is central to gender separatist dogma, and fuels a lot of
bias social policy decisions. For example I see the myth of male
deficiency used to justify government refusal to fund men's health
resources.

I also regularly detect the 'male deficiency' myth in professional
literature that attempts to support the father?s role in the family.

Nevertheless, I acknowledge that the Fatherhood Foundation's attempt to
improve the nations' father / family skills will necessarily expose
potential deficiencies. This therefore will touch some raw nerves among
those trying (and achieving) their best in a cultural climate that
offers little support - and even substantial resistance.

The balance is what's important.

In support of Joella's concerns I WOULD like to see more articles that
applaud the achievements of men - something rarely presented by popular
culture. Perhaps you could consider a regular feature about the unique
contribution that men make to children and the community (present and
history) - and some focus on good examples of single or shared parenting
by fathers. 

Of course a lot of this is up to your contributors, and I'm sure you
could do with more of those.

Well done on your targeted magazine, adverts, and activism.

Terry Dolling

 

Editor's Note: Good point!Anyone want help us!.Could you help us by
writing a couple articles?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

Firstly, thank you for a great and much needed service. I am a 26 year
old father of two toddler boys in South Africa and I receive your
newsletter every week. I try to be the best dad I can be and you have
really opened up my eyes to a lot of things.

About Joella's comments: The idea that he is creating is that the
fatherhood foundation is promoting a feeling that men is less  that
others/woman (these ideas of "less-thaness) and that they(men) should go
out there and "claim/take" their territory, to be who we really are. In
a lot of the writings of the Foundation I did read stuff that I already
knew, however, I learned to look at things in a different way. It helped
me to understand that in order for me to be the best dad and husband I
can be, I have to be willing to give up (sacrifice) myself in love for
the needs and well-being of my family. I believe if more fathers can
start at that, the world will be a better place. I like the way in which
the Fatherhood Foundation writers write their articles and it gets the
message across that fathers are important. I believe that before
men/fathers go out to claim their rights/position because they are
important, it is more important to let the men/fathers first understand
WHY they are important. Or else we will have men who are taking their
places as dads and husbands but not knowing how to really live out that
roles and end up losing it again. It is this that the Fatherhood
Foundation has helped me to understand. WHY I am important as a father.

Thank you for a great service and I will be praying for you.

God bless

Theo

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

Sites such as yours and the "men's network" by  John King  are  not as
suggested by  such as Joella (letters 13-11-05) -denigrating  the male-
but are in very positive way offering to equip him to better perform as
a man, from a position and foundation of real strength and moral
fortitude . Rather than being dragged around or operating from a basis
of confusion and doubt as has been happening for 30 years in increasing
increments. Fathers are only now starting to be taken seriously in
society. 

Nigel

Port Macquarie

 

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Dad's Prayer

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Dear God

Help me slow down and grab the moment.

Help me not to work too hard, or too much, 

especially if it means becoming poverty stricken

in my relationships with my family.

My children deserve better.

Help me to give them the best.

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About Us

Mission Statement & Help Us!

 
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Mission Statement 

The Fatherhood Foundation is a charitable, non profit incorporated
association with a goal to inspire men to a greater level of excellence
as fathers, by encouraging and educating them, thereby renewing and
empowering families.

Click here for more information about us
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Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation believes that the key to life is giving.
That's why this newsletter is given freely without expectation.  Life is
also about relationships.  That's what being a good father is all about,
developing relationships with your loved ones.
 
If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation,
please mail your cheque or money order to:
Fatherhood Foundation
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

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