Subject: Ethics are everything
From: <[email-masked]>
To: <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 22 Jan 2006 09:50:16 +1100

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Issue 178 - 23rd January,2006 	Go to our website Here
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*	Welcome Warwick
*	Grandads
*	Laughter
*	Single Dads
*	Special Feature
*	Thought of the Week
*	All You Need is Love
*	News & Info
*	Dad's Prayer
*	About Us

Welcome Warwick

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/man%20at%20desk.
jpg> I felt more than a little awkward as I walked toward the bank. I
shuffled up to the counter the teller said, "Can I help you Sir"? 

"May I talk to the Branch Manager"? I replied.

"What is it in reference to"? she enquired.

Somewhat embarrassed I said, "Aw, it?s too difficult to explain."

Seeing that she wasn't going to get anywhere, she fetched the manager
who took me into an interviewing office.  I sat down and fumbled with my
wallet.  "Er, a number of years ago, I came into the branch with some
overseas currency leftover from our Asian Music Tour to exchange into
Australian currency. It was a pretty complex set of transactions and I
ended up with more money than I should.  At first I put it down to the
luck of the draw, but then I realised that the bank had made a mistake.
My conscience has prodded me to give it back, so that's why I am here
today."  The more I talked, the more puzzled the manager became.  Her
eyes got bigger and she quickly said, "We have no paperwork on those
transactions. I will have to go and speak to my superior."  Her body
language said it all, "Eek, what do I do . . . I've never had this
happen before, what will I do, what will I do?"  I don?t know who she
spoke to, but she came back and said, "We would have written that debt
off by now, but if you want to do something, you can give it to one of
our approved charities."  What a pity, I thought to myself; that the
Fatherhood Foundation is not on their list.  The good news is that the
money that was overpaid has gone to a good cause and I walked out of
that bank with a clear conscience.

Why am I telling you this?  

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/stealing%203.jpg
> Two years ago I read a book by John Maxwell, 'There's No Such Thing as
'Business' Ethics'. When the New York Times best selling author and
businessman was asked a question on business ethics, his response was,
'There is no such thing.  There's only ethics.'  Maxwell asserts there's
one ethical standard for all behavior. And you might be surprised by
what it's based on. Did you know that a variation of the Golden Rule
exists in every major religion? In 'There's No Such Thing as Business
Ethics', Maxwell shows how people can live with integrity by using the
Golden Rule as their standard-regardless of religion, culture, or
circumstances. Along the way, he delves into the desires of the human
heart, reveals the five most common causes that get people off track
ethically, and teaches how to develop the Midas touch when it comes to
integrity.

When I read that statement, two years ago, I suddenly remembered a
relatively small overpayment of money by my bank.  I have always told
people that I love truth, but to be really truthful, I think I must love
money more.  I love the feel of it. I love what I can do with it. I
would love to have a lot more of that crinkly plastic multi-coloured
stuff, even if it is devaluing daily.

I got to thinking that John Maxwell was right when he said, 'The
greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility
for our attitude.'  That's the day I decided I loved truth more than
money.  My brain said, ?But what about all the bad experiences you have
had with banks.  Remember all the times they either robbed you or double
crossed you.  Believe me, I could tell you some horror stories.  That's
when my conscience said, 'Two wrongs don't make a right Warwick.'
Unfortunately that was two years ago.  I am also a very good
procrastinator.  Two weeks ago when I wrote in fathersonline that we
need to love truth, I decided I had better 'practice what I preach'.
Part of my challenge was forgiving the various banks, and my bank in
particular, for their many and varied transgressions.  Is it any wonder
that radio personality John Laws was paid truckloads of cash to say nice
things about banks!  Forgiveness frees the individual and the truth is
always liberating.  I went out of that bank a lot lighter that I went
in, in more ways than one.

What has this story got to do with fatherhood?  Everything! You must
become the change you seek.  Your children will become what you are.
That's why I'm working on myself, but it does seem very costly at times.

Lovework

Don't be another Enron or HIH, as a father and a family, and collapse
from the inside out due to lack of integrity.  If necessary, go and make
things right with others and set the record straight. Deal with your own
irregularities and your children will begin to deal with theirs. Uphold
the gold standard in your life.  Ethics are everything!

Yours for acting in integrity

Warwick Marsh

 ________________________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is 
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in 
age from 25 years to 13 years.  Warwick is a musician, 
songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he 
can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

 
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g> 

If you want your child to 
accept your values

when he reaches his teen years,

then you must be worthy of his respect

during his younger days.

James Dobson

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Laughter

 
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gif> 
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty.
He tiptoed through the living room and then suddenly he froze in his
tracks. He heard a loud voice say: "JESUS IS WATCHING YOU!!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.
"JESUS IS WATCHING YOU!!" the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped dead in his tracks again. He was frightened.
Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner he spotted a bird
cage and in the cage was a parrot.
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ler.gif> 
He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes", the parrot said.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot:"What's
your name?"
"Clarence," the parrot said.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot
named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot that named the Rottweiler Jesus." 

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Single Dads

 
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Once again I am writing the single fathers column even though I'm not a
single dad.  My regular writer, Tony Miller of Dads in Distress, is
inundated with the pressure of trying to answer thousands of phone calls
and emails.  Many are from men who are at the end of their tether and
about to commit suicide. Tony said to me, 'I just can't cope, most of my
volunteers have disappeared and the government is giving us very little
real support. You will have to give me time out for a month or so.'  My
back-up is Roland, who was happy to fill in for the next month.  Roland
rang me this week and said, 'Hey Warwick, I am flat out getting ready
for a big court case next week, two in fact. I can't do it this week.'
One is with the Family Law Court who is allowing the education
department to override a father's wishes and the other case because the
Child Support Agency has deemed his income despite the fact that he was
not able to register his car and therefore could not go to work even if
he wanted to.  The reason he was not able to register his car was
because of their onerous payment system which left him with less money
over a 6 month period of continuous work than if he was on the dole.
Now they are threatening to take his house and land away from him which
will force a loving father, his 18 year old daughter, who now lives with
him, out on the street, along with his 80 year old mother whom he cares
for.  Another travesty in this saga is that his children could well lose
their inheritance, which will then be sold for a song.

The bloody-mindedness of the Child Support Agency and Family Law Court
continually amazes me. How a government agencies can operate in such a
manner, in a free and democratic country like Australia, is mind
boggling.

If Roland's story was the first of its kind, I would think that the
whole thing was made up by some Hollywood producer who had taken too
much acid.  The sad fact is that countless men have told me very similar
stories about the actions of the Child Support Agency and the Family Law
Court over the last few years.  All of them can't be wrong.  Where
there's smoke there's fire. Even John Hirst, an academic of note, was
surprised by the lack of justice within the Family Law Court.  He called
it the 'Kangaroo Court'.

The reality is that I have known Roland for almost 30 years.  He is a
man full of integrity.  He has worked as a vice principal of a school,
is a teacher by profession, is a regular churchgoer and is a deeply
devoted and caring father, even though he sees his children only every
second weekend and half of the school holidays.  When I asked his
permission to run his story he begged me, 'Please Warwick ' I don't want
my children to know what I am going
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> through. For the last 8 years I have never spoken about these matters
with my children, nor do I want to start now! I want my children to grow
up in a stable home environment, full of love, even if mum and dad are
separated.  I want them to grow up to love and honour both their mother
and father. I don't want them to have to take sides. I don't want to put
them through the pain and mental anguish that this conflict is causing
me. Perhaps I would just prefer to slip away, even though it would break
my heart, than cause unnecessary upset for my children.' 

I countered rather strongly, 'Roland, there are men all over Australia
who are going through what you are going through and who want to commit
suicide and end it all because they feel just like you.  They feel that
they're damned if they do fight for justice, and damned if they don't.
They love their kids and they would often prefer to quietly slip out of
their children's loves than make a stand against injustice and for their
children, because they would prefer to be wrong than hurt their
children.' Then I repeated to Roland what I say to all men caught in
this situation, 'You must make a stand, you must let your story be
known, even if you aren't successful, because one day your children will
want to know that you did.  One day your children will love you for it,
even if they don't understand it now.' Roland choked back the tears and
reluctantly said, 'Okay Warwick.'

So this week's story to encourage single fathers comes to you at great
cost, reluctantly, but hopefully.  This story is replicated thousands of
times across this nation.  We must do something about these continuing
injustices.  If we don't, who will?

Warwick Marsh

__________________________________________________________

Warwick Marsh is not a single dad, but he is passionate for positive
reform in Australian Family Law so that there will be a reduction in the
harm caused by fatherlessness in this nation.

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Special Feature

 

Study Finds that Marriage
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> Builds Wealth

-- and Divorce Destroys It

Seattle Post Intelligencer

January 18, 2006

By Stephen Ohlemacher - Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON -- Marrying for money, it turns out, works. A study by an
Ohio State University researcher shows that a person who marries - and
stays married - accumulates nearly twice as much personal wealth as a
person who is single or divorced.

And for those who divorce, it's a bit more expensive than giving up half
of everything they own. They lose, on average, three-fourths of their
personal net worth.

"Getting married for a few years and then getting divorced is clearly
not the path to financial independence," said Jay Zagorsky, whose study
divided married couples' assets so they could be compared with singles.

Zagorsky, a research scientist at OSU's Center for Human Resource
Research, tracked the wealth and marital status of 9,055 people from
1985 to 2000. Those people have been participating in the National
Longitudinal Survey of Youth, which has repeatedly interviewed them
about various aspects of their lives since 1979.

The participants are now 41 to 49 years old, making them the youngest of
the baby boomers.

Zagorsky cautioned that results could be different for older and younger
Americans, who have faced different attitudes about marriage, divorce
and living together without marriage.

Zagorsky's study, which is published in the current issue of the Journal
of Sociology, defines wealth as the total value of a person's assets,
such as real estate, stocks and bank accounts, minus liabilities, such
as mortgages.

A big reason married people accumulate more wealth than others is simple
economies of scale - one household is cheaper to maintain than two,
Zagorsky said. Divorce reverses those benefits, he said.

"Divorce looks like one of the fastest ways to destroy your wealth,"
Zagorsky said.

David Popenoe, co-director of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers
University, said people become more economically productive after they
marry.

"They work harder, they advance further in their job, they save more
money, and maybe invest more wisely," Popenoe said. "That's because, one
can speculate, they are now working for something larger than
themselves. They are working for a family."

Zagorsky showed that single people slowly accumulated wealth during the
study, going from a median of $1,500 at the start to $10,900 in the 15th
year.

Married people accumulated wealth much faster, accumulating 93 percent
more than single or divorced people over the life of the study, Zagorsky
said.

People who divorced started losing net worth four years before their
divorces were final, Zagorsky said. That could be because they had
separated before divorcing, forcing them to support two households, he
said.

The study found that men fared better than women after divorce, holding
about 2 1/2 times the wealth. However, in dollars, it added up to a
difference of only $5,124.

"While men come out slightly ahead, divorce destroys wealth dramatically
for both sexes," Zagorsky wrote in his study.

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Thought of the Week

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Leaders must be close enough to relate to others,

but far enough ahead to motivate them.

John Maxwell

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All You Need is Love

 
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pg> 

All You Need is Love

By Warwick Marsh

I am convinced that love is the most powerful force in the universe.
Women know this instinctively. Men need to discover love daily and share
it with the 'love of their life'. The greatest thing a man can do for
his children is to love his wife. In some ways this is the hardest thing
a man can do. This is the way to become a great father. Herein lies the
challenge. Very few men rise to the occasion, me included.

'Man Overboard', Michael Kiely's book, is not written for women it is
written for men. It is the best book on marriage written for men I have
ever read. Having a successful marriage is one of my major life goals.
The sad truth of the matter is I fail fairly regularly. Still I will not
give up, because I know the pain of growing up in a broken home. I have
experienced that pain first hand. I remain utterly convinced that we
should never allow our children to experience that sort of pain. That is
one of the reasons we do the work of the Fatherhood Foundation. I have
read every book on marriage I can get my hands on. My wife has done the
same. Both my wife and I are passionate for the cause of love. My wife
has read 'Man Overboard' and she thinks it is a 'great book for men 'on
the subject of marriage.

The greatest book that Alison and I have read on marriage is called 'The
Mystery of Marriage' by Mike Mason. The only problem it is too mystical
for most men.  It is also very deep. Men need a simple, short to the
point book with lots of headlines. Women love the full story. Men love
headlines. 'Man Overboard' is full of headlines and short Quotations.
Michael's book will be a huge hit if we can get it to men. Men can be
hard to reach on these issues. They often don't think about their
relationship until their wife is walking out the door.

The best way to reduce divorce is to help men not only love their wives
but to actively express that love on a daily basis. Men have to become
the 'love leaders' in the marriage relationship if the marriage is going
to succeed. 'Man Overboard' provides the practical keys to help a man
'discover love' daily and share it with the women of his dreams.

Michael Kiely would like to make this e-book available to our readers,
free of charge. His main goal is to help others  have a better marriage.
All I ask is that you email him and tell him if you like it. He needs
feedback. He is open to your ideas. Every comment you give will help him
refine his book and his marketing plan. We need to make a concerted
effort to save more marriages from breaking up. Men are often left out
of the equation as far as resources go. Most books on marriage are
written for women, because they are the only ones that buy those sort of
books, because they care about their relationships.  Remember if you
like this book remember to email your thanks to him. We all need
encouragement!!

Free Offer of E-Book for Fathersonline Subscribers

'Man Overboard' by Michael Kiely is a breakthrough book, designed to
help men rescue and renew their marriage relationships.  Michael has
been married for over 30 years, has three children and a background in
business and marketing.  He shares with his readers how he rescued his
own marriage when it went into crisis mode.  'Man Overboard' is short
(100 pages), filled with headlines, valuable insights and quotations and
doesn't beat around the bush.  Warwick Marsh, founder of the 'Fatherhood
Foundation' says, 'Every man should read this book if he is serious
about staying married.  It is easy to fall in love, but you have to
fight to stay in love.  Michael Kiely's book will give you keys to win
the battle of love and save your marriage from destruction.  'Man
Overboard' will help to keep the 'love fires' burning, but beware, this
book is only for the brave.  The fainthearted should not read this
book.'

To get your free copy of 'Man Overboard' (normally over $20), simply
send your request with a copy of the first page of your fathersonline
(which contains your first name and email address), to Michael Kiely:
[email-masked]   with 'Free copy of Man Overboard' written in
the subject line.

Don't miss out.  This offer will not last.  Make sure you give Michael
some feedback on his kindness in giving you a copy, free of charge.

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News & Info

 
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g> 

Amazement for Tony

Article in Coffs Harbour paper, 19th February 2006
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Dads in Distress founder, Tony Miller, was amazed on opening his mail
recently to receive a letter of congratulations for being nominated for
Australian of the Year Awards.

Recently the National Australian Day Council announced the State and
Territory recipients for each awards category who now progress to the
national level of selection.

Unfortunately Mr Miller's nomination was not successful this year, but
he said it was an absolute honour to be nominated and that he was
extremely humbled.

'Just to be nominated and from a divorced dad?s standpoint, it just
shows how far we have come in acceptance of divorced males,' Mr Miller
said.

'It proves that just because you are divorced you are still a valuable
member of the community. Unfortunately lots of men lose sight of that.
It is why I started Dads in Distress.'

The letter Mr Miller received was signed by chair of the national
Australia Day Council, Lisa Curry Kenny, who thanked him for his
contribution to making Australia a better place to live.

He also received a certificate to acknowledge his nomination.

Sexual Integrity in Inverell

Warwick Marsh has been invited to speak at a public meeting in Inverell,
NSW at a forum on Sexual Integrity organised by a local citizen?s action
group.

The meeting will be held at 7.30 pm, Inverell Town Hall, Tuesday 24th
January 2006.

Other speakers include former prostitute Bronwen Healy, Brisbane and a
video presentation of Dr Mary Anne Layden, keynote speaker at the Sexual
Integrity Forum conducted by the Fatherhood Foundation, Parliament House
Canberra, August 2005.

For more information phone Gary White on 02 6721 0513

________________________________________________________

CFS Luncheon

Warwick Marsh will also be speaking at 1 pm, Wednesday 15th February
2006 on 'Sexual Integrity, Fatherhood and Family Law Reform'.

This function will be held at the Theatrette, NSW Parliament House,
Macquarie St, Sydney and is open to the public.  

To RSVP please phone Jonathon Flegg on 02 9230 3340

 __________________________________________________________

MEDIA RELEASE, 20th January, 2006                      

Anti Family Forces Hi-jack New Family Relationship Centres         

Men's  groups  can't  say  what they really believe, but Social Worker
and  Family  Counsellor,  Ms  Matilda Bawden  did.  "Lesbians are
setting  the Federal Government's Family Law reform agenda", she said.
Labelling  the  Federal  Attorney General Phillip Ruddock's new Family
Law  Amendment  (Shared  Parental  Responsibility)  Bill  as  un-genuine
and  a  betrayal  of  the  trust  and  hopes  placed by Australian
families in the  Federal  Government  and the Liberal Party, at large,
Ms Bawden said, "Non  custodial  parents  have  wrongly  been  led to
believe that,  unlike many  since the 1995 Duncan amendments under the
Keating Labor government, these  reforms would be meaningful and
convincing".                     

Ms  Bawden's  comments  come  in  response  to complaints by
non-custodial  parent  groups  that  they  have been frozen out by the
Attorney General's  Department  from  fair and proper representation on
the Community Services  and Health Industry Services Committee (CSHISC)
Steering Committee.        

Non-custodial  parent  groups  have  had  their  expectations  for
shared  parenting  outcomes  in  the Family Court raised with the
promise that the  Industry Skills Council's, Family Counselling, Family
Dispute Resolution &  Children's  Contact Services Project Steering
Committee will be developing the  professional  standards  and
competencies  for working with families  undergoing  dispute,
separation  and  divorce.   As  part of the promised  reforms,  many  of
these mediators and counsellors will be employed within  the  newly
touted  Relationship Centres, however, Ms Bawden believes that  the
standards  and competencies have not covered the critical issues  the
Federal Government promised they would.
Ms  Bawden  said,  "I am deeply concerned that we now have a
predominantly  lesbian,  anti-father  culture  and world-view of
families determining the  competencies  and standards towards which
family counsellors and mediators  will aspire when working with children
and their parents during the family  breakdown   process.    Sadly,
most hetero-sexual women are probably  blissfully ignorant of this
influence.  There is almost no father-friendly  representation on this
Committee and certainly NO evidence to show it is  even sympathetic to
genuine shared parenting or joint residency outcomes 

 or ideals."
Ms  Bawden  points  out,  "Of  the 60 modules contained in The First
Draft  Industry  Qualifications  and  Validations,  not  one contains so
much as a  whisper  (must less passing reference to) shared parenting.
What is more,  the Committee is saturated with representatives of
organizations which are  on the record as being opposed to shared
parenting."                       

Ms Bawden is available for comment on 0412 836 685, anytime.        

 __________________________________________________________

Letters

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

I like the article by Robert Martin entitled - 'Nobody Understands'. He
sums it up, oh so well. Someone from the 'outside', who had never been
through the loss of his or her children due to separation, would be
completely at a loss to understand the actions of the other parent and
further more the actions of the Family Law Court. I think that this
transition from 'normal life' to that of a Single Dad is a major and
sharp learning curve. In real terms no one can truly prepare for it and,
in most cases, the net effect is too often to loss the plot in the first
few years. One?s values tend to change very profoundly for ever....   I
just felt that the title says it all, sadly.

Regards,

Clive Purt

Perth - Western Australia

 _________________________________________________

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

I am a female domestic violence victim.  I almost got killed in December
and have being doing a lot of research on domestic violence recently.  I
read that some states have actually charged serial batterers with hate
crimes against women.  I was just reading The Jane Doe website.  The
article was about abused and murdered men and the reasons why domestic
violence was heavily pursued against men and not women.  I agree that
some of these women are acting in self defence.  I also agree that there
are men that would not lift a finger to hit a woman and would suffer
abuse from her.  I have to say that I support your cause.  Domestic
violence is not a hate crime against women.  The fact is that men for
the most part are physically more capable to be dominant over women.
While researching the statistics a thought occurred to me.  My abuser
was an only child.  His family was well off.  They were not rich, but
his father had a very good job and worked a lot of overtime.  He kept
his family in brand new homes and they had anything that they wanted.
My abusers mother stayed at home with my abuser.  She basically acted as
if having one child was so stressful that she was going to have a
nervous breakdown.  She either yelled and screamed at him or just gave
him anything he wanted so she would not have to be bothered.  So he
became accustomed to getting whatever he wanted.  That was the beginning
of his control issues.  As a teenager he again did whatever he wanted
with no supervision what so ever.  It was easier for Mommy to totally
ignore him versus using her energy and time to monitor his behaviour.
He is still the same way.  His parents have separated and his Father
acts as if his son is perfect and still gives him anything he wants when
he throws a fit.  On several occasions I nicely tried to hint about the
abuse.  I could see that it angered him and he would rather stay in
denial.  To complicate matters he would make comments like "you know how
she is", "you better leave her alone", and "you have a bad
relationship."  Comments that would indicate I was at fault and
encourage more violence.  The bottom line is my abuser has always been a
spoiled rotten only child brat.  I was just curious as to how many women
abusers have the same characteristics.  I can't find any statistics, but
if something like this were a factor then it is not a hate crime and it
would account for women being just as aggressive as men.  If you know of
any statistics that would support my theory please let me know.  If not,
please make this an issue and find out.  Good Luck with your cause.

Lynette 

[email-masked] <mailto:[email-masked]>  

Editor's Note: Can any of our readers help with this request? 

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Dad's Prayer

Dear God

Help me to be honest in a dishonest world.

Help me to tell the truth even when I don't want to.

Help me, because I don't think I can do it on my own.

The truth scares me too much.

 
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> 

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About Us

Mission Statement & Help Us!

 
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h%20October,2005_Foundation%20Logo%20180.jpg> 
Mission Statement 

The Fatherhood Foundation is a charitable, non profit incorporated
association with a goal to inspire men to a greater level of excellence
as fathers, by encouraging and educating them, thereby renewing and
empowering families.

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