Subject: Fathers Selfishly Loving Your Wife
From: <[email-masked]>
To: <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 5 Mar 2006 09:17:55 +1100

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Issue 182 - 20th February,2006 	Go to our website Here
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*	Welcome Warwick
*	Grandads
*	Laughter
*	Single Dads
*	All you need is Love
*	Thought of the Week
*	Fatherhood Delegation
*	News & Info
*	Dad's Prayer
*	About Us

Welcome Warwick

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/marital%20bliss%
202.jpg> If you have been receiving this newsletter for some time you
would no doubt have heard me say, "The greatest thing you can do for
your children is to love your wife."

After hearing Pamela Henry and Natalie Gately, lecturers in law and
justice speak on the effects of Family Law and the Child Support Agency
on fathers and second families in Parliament House on Thursday 2nd
March, I would like to give you a new saying to take away: "The greatest
thing you can do for yourself is to love your wife." We could expand
this further by saying, "Once you find the woman of your dreams and have
children, don't even think about going across the other side of the
fence, because the grass is not greener, it is black and you will create
so many problems and encounter so many hardships that you would be an
idiot to contemplate it for more than a millisecond." The reason you
need to love your wife and remain faithful to her for the rest of your
life is compelling on pure self-interest grounds alone. The book of
proverbs says it this way, 'Can you build a fire in your lap and not
burn your pants? Can you walk barefoot on hot coals and not get
blisters? . . . Adultery is a brainless act, soul destroying, self
destructive; expect a bloody nose, a black eye and a reputation ruined
for good.' (6:28) In times of old this would mean an arrow through the
heart from an aggrieved husband. That sort of death is usually painful
but quick. The lengthy indignity, injustice, pain and heartbreak you
will suffer at the hands of the Australia Family Law Court and Child
Support Agency could last for 18 years, even longer in some cases. Worse
still a second wife and children will suffer even more depending on the
circumstances.
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jpg> 

Under the current system, as both Natalie and Pamela pointed out, you
are likely to become invisible, because you are a man. You will be
treated like a second class citizen, your complaints will fall on deaf
ears and you will always be in the wrong even when you are right. If
your ex-wife makes allegations of violence etc against you, you are
quite likely to never see your children again whether you are innocent
or guilty. Even if your children wish to see you, the courts may never
allow it.

This is not the worst of it. Suppose you do decide to start all over
again in a new marriage relationship, you will be faced with many
challenges. Not only will you carry the baggage from the last
relationship (eg heartbreak, pain, mistrust etc) into the new
relationship, but as Natalie and Pamela said, your new wife will quite
likely have to go out to work to help pay the bills for the first wife's
child support. Child support does not necessarily go directly to the
children but goes to their mother. Any children from your second
marriage may become second class citizens who could well end up doing
without, in order to renumerate the children from your first marriage.
You will more than likely have to work two jobs just to survive and your
second wife will be even more likely to pull the pin on the relationship
because she will either never see you because you are overworked or she
is sick of paying the bills for your first wife.

A number of times I was moved to tears during the presentation by Pamela
Henry and Natalie Gately on 'Treating Family Types Equally in Social
Policy and Law.' My good friend Richard Hardy drew the conclusion that
it was the most painful presentation he had ever attended, and we both
agreed that we should go home and tell our wives how much we loved and
appreciated them. We also considered singing a line from the song,
'Baby, Baby Please Don't Go!' on bended knee with rose in hand.

Lovework

Firstly: Be selfish, love your wife and be the love leader in your home.

Secondly: send an email to thank Natalie Gately [email-masked]  and
Pamela Henry [email-masked]  at Edith Cowan University for
their incredible courage to tell the truth about our diabolical Family
Law Court and Child Support system.

Yours for more love

Warwick Marsh

________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is 
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in 
age from 25 years to 13 years.  Warwick is a musician, 
songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he 
can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

 
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> 

He who loves his own wife loves himself

St Paul

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Laughter

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You know you're in Australia in summer when:

The best parking space is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water comes out of both taps.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 35'C and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that it only takes two fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburnt through your car window.

You develop a fear of metal car door handles.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30am.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end
up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realise that asphalt has a liquid state.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

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While walking back barefoot to your car from the beach, you do a
tightrope act on the white lines in the car park.

You catch a cold from having the air conditioner full blast while you 
sleep during the night.

You learn that the local shopping centre is a temple to worship
air-conditioning. 

 

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Single Dads

Children's Interests
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Vs Vested Interests

By Simon Hunt

Should kids be allowed equal access to their dads after divorce?

The federal government proposed 'Shared Parenting Bill', being debated
in parliament this week, is supposed to make it easier for children to
enjoy the love, care and influence of both their parents and end the
trauma and damage of the profitable business of excluding one parent by
application to the Family Court.

Clearly conflict is against the best interests of children yet the
Family Court and its ancillary practitioners promote conflict as an
alternative to equal parenting.

Unfortunately, lawyers that specialise in Family Law make their money
from conflict not resolution. Typically intervention orders are used
that turn the father into an instant criminal (punishable by jail) if he
attempts to see his children outside the restricted times that have been
dictated. Intervention orders handed out without the need to prove any
wrong doing, typically start a process that causes tremendous harm to
children, who as a consequence experience several times the incidence of
underachievement, depression, mental illness, drug abuse, and suicide as
they grow older.

Excluding any child's father (or mother when it occasionally swings this
way) through a process of false allegation, intimidation, and
vilification represents emotional torture for the father, and, very
serious abuse of the children. 

The debate is about whether or not a child gets to grow up with the care
and guidance of both their parents. It's not a debate between men and
women, as we so often get told. It's a debate between the 'vested
interests' - people who derive their livelihood from securing mutually
exclusive custody arrangements for children on one side, and parents,
grandparents, brothers and sisters - ordinary Australians that know
children should be protected from harm and given every opportunity to
succeed in life, on the other. 

Unfortunately the vested interests are typically seen as experts and
their views widely publicised by a media who is less willing to air the
views of ordinary people who have no commercial interest in compromising
children's lives.

If parliament can deliver the commitment expressed by Prime Minister
John Howard to reduce the epidemic of fatherlessness in our community,
they will do so in defiance of lawyers and associated social workers and
practitioners who profit from this misery industry. 

They will succeed in replacing the conflict that is agony for so many of
Australia's children, with a common sense solution that delivers
happiness and fulfilment to the children, and their parents, neither of
whom need be aggrieved.

If parliament again fails to reform the Family Law Court (it's tried two
times before), it should ensure that fathers are spared the suffering of
expecting to be allowed to stay a part of their children's lives, by
publicly acknowledging the Family Court's mutually exclusive policy on
child custody arrangements, thereby allowing fathers to spare their
children the torment of the process. 

Simon Hunt (excluded father)

PO Box 172 Elwood, VIC 3184

Phone: +61 (0)3 5973 6933

Mobile: 0414 415 693

Fax: +61 (0)3 5973 6311

www.dashlite.com.au <http://www.dashlite.com.au/>  

[email-masked] 

Editor's Note: Simon has requested fathers everywhere to write a letter
based on the above and send it into your local/regional paper.

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All you need is Love

  

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g> Men Hold Key to their Wives' Calm

By Jennifer Harper

THE WASHINGTON TIMES

February 20, 2006

Forget about bubble baths, chocolate, lunch with the girls or martinis.

A touch of her husband's hand is one of the most effective ways to calm
and comfort a woman, said University of Virginia psychologist Jim Coan,
who looked inside the brains of 16 wives to discover that yes, hubby
held the key to their peace of mind.

Using magnetic resonance imaging, Mr. Coan found that women under stress
who hold their husbands' hands show signs of "immediate relief," with a
powerful decrease in threat-related brain activity. What's more, the
better the marriage, the better the relief. 

"There's a lot of research out there suggesting that people in strong
attachment relations derive health benefits. What we didn't expect was
for our findings to be so strong, so clear," Mr. Coan said Thursday. 

"We were also surprised to see that findings varied according to marital
quality," he continued. "Women in better marriages derived more
benefits, which can clearly be seen on their brain scans." 

The scientific community and public alike have been intrigued by the
reassuring news.

"This is the first time I ever received fan mail for a study," Mr. Coan
observed.

He was persnickety about determining the parameters of a good marriage,
subjecting the couples to the Dyadic Adjustment Scale, a standard
psychological test that evaluates their sweet talk, arguments, mutual
interests, humor and other shared moments. 

And the hand-holding?

Mr. Coan said the sentimental activity has long been a part of folk
culture as a symbol of affection. But it now has scientific merit as
well, he said. The study, supported by a grant from the National
Institute of Mental Health, put couples to the real test -- one
somewhere between the territories of Dr. Phil and Dr. Frankenstein,
perhaps.

During the wives' brain scans, each received mild but nonetheless
threatening electrical shocks. Mr. Coan measured the response in their
brains when they held the hand of their beloved -- and that of a
stranger.

"The results showed a large decrease in the brain response to threat as
a function of spouse hand holding," but limited response to a stranger,
the study stated. The husbands even lessened emotional activity in the
brain's pain processing circuits.

Other research in recent years equates marital bliss with good health. 

Women in satisfying marriages have a distinct health advantage over
single or unhappily married women, according to an American
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/Marriage%20Bliss
%202.jpg> Psychological Association study that found that solid
marriages benefit blood pressure, cholesterol and other cardiovascular
factors.

The "bliss of a steady marriage" is also a strong antidote to a life of
crime, a University of Florida study found.

Alternatively, long-term, low-quality marriages have significant
negative effects on overall well-being, according to a study released
last month by Pennsylvania State University sociologists.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Free Offer of E-Book for Fathersonline Subscribers

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help men rescue and renew their marriage relationships.  Michael has
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(100 pages), filled with headlines, valuable insights and quotations and
doesn't beat around the bush.  Warwick Marsh, founder of the 'Fatherhood
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about staying married.  It is easy to fall in love, but you have to
fight to stay in love.  Michael Kiely's book will give you keys to win
the battle of love and save your marriage from destruction.  'Man
Overboard' will help to keep the 'love fires' burning, but beware, this
book is only for the brave.  The fainthearted should not read this
book.!

To get your free copy of 'Man Overboard' (normally over $20), simply
send your request with a copy of the first page of your fathersonline
(which contains your first name and email address), to Michael Kiely:
[email-masked]   with 'Free copy of Man Overboard' written in
the subject line.

Don't miss out. Make sure you give Michael some feedback on his kindness
in giving you a copy, free of charge.

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Thought of the Week

 
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jpg> 

 

The greatest thing you can do for yourself is love your wife

Warwick Marsh

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Fatherhood Delegation

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<http://www.bosweb.com.au/email_blast/client_images/fathers_issue163-10t
h%20October,2005_Foundation%20Logo%20180.jpg> Fatherhood/Men's Policy
Parliamentary
Delegation

 

Last Thursday, 2nd March, we had the privilege of gathering in Federal
Parliament to meet with various parliamentarians. The reason for going
to the nation's capital was to meet with Labor, Liberal and National
Party politicians, including Family First, to provide forthright comment
on the following matters:

1)       We would like to provide rational and objective comment on the
need to make amendments to the Family Law Reform Amendments Bill to
ensure the Family Relationship Centres are going to function correctly
and as intended.

Most of the men's and fathers groups in Australia believe the
legislation is fatally flawed and needs to be amended to protect the
rights of the child for equal parenting time access to both parents in
the event of family break-up.

2)       We would like to point out that the male of the species makes
up 50% of the population, so a credible men/father's policy should be
developed for the people of Australia by all political parties. i.e.
crisis in men's health, men's suicide, mentoring, marriage educations,
men's support services etc, etc, etc.

3)       An afternoon forum, the 'Treating all Family Types Equally in
Social Policy and Law'  organised by Alby Schultz MP and featuring two
female lawyers / academics from Edith Cowan University was a ground
breaking event.

It was a great joy to join with one voice as a group of men and fathers
who have been standing strong and working with men for many decades.
Barry Williams, President of Lone Fathers, Canberra; Paul Whyte, Sydney
Men's Network; Rob Jones, Ministry to Men, Brisbane; Paddy Murray, Vice
President Men's Health & Wellbeing, NSW; Mark Bourne, CEO Richard
Hillman Foundation, Adelaide; Alex Peniazez, Non Custodial Parent's
Party, Sydney; John Flanagan, Fairness in Child Support, Wollongong;
Roland Foster, Fatherhood Foundation, Wollongong; Richard Hardy,
Fatherhood Foundation, Sydney, Tony Miller, CEO Dads in Distress, Coffs
Harbour and Dean Mason, Dads in Distress, Melbourne.

Around noon we held a media conference from which we released the
following Media Alert.  

We call upon the men and fathers of Australia to stand up and be
counted.  Children need both a mother and a father after separation.
Please visit your local senators and tell them that our children need
justice in family law.  Write to all Australian senators by letter or
email.  They need to hear your voice over the next few weeks.

For contact details of your senators go to: www.aph.gov.au
<http://www.aph.gov.au/>  

MEDIA RELEASE

Warwick Marsh, convenor of the National Fatherhood Coalition said last
week in Parliament House at a meeting of leaders of the Australian
Fatherhood / Men's Movement, "The current Family Law Reform Bill that is
being debated this week, while well-intentioned, is fatally flawed. Most
fatherhood and men's groups in Australia believe this to be the case. We
congratulate the Government and the Opposition on their good intentions
but children need more than good intentions. Children need a mother and
a father in their lives.

To tell the Family Law Court that they 'must consider' granting shared
parenting to divorcing couples is a bit like asking lions not to eat
meat. It simply won't work! The Family Law Court has a thirty year
history of the one-size-fits-all policy of sole parenting which in 90%
of cases is awarded to the mother. The idea of shared parental
responsibility is not a new idea, but was first introduced in law as a
legal term by the Keating Government in 1995 by Minister Peter Duncan.
The Family Law Court of Australia ignored the government of the day and
court orders for shared care consequently fell from 5.1% in 1994/95 to
only 2.5% in 2000/01. Gender bias within the Family Law Court has
unfortunately become a byword in the Australian community. The comment
by noted academic, John Hirst, that the Family Law Court is a
monstrosity that is probably beyond reformation, is not without
grounds."

In closing Mr Marsh said, "The idea of the Family Relationship Centres
is a brilliant bipartisan innovation, but unless the court is directed
by the new bill to grant equality to mothers and fathers and justice to
children who want equal access to both parents, the proposed bill will
simply become another exercise in re-arranging deck chairs on the
Titanic, rather than plugging the leak to stop the ship going down. The
Government must take strong action to preserve the best interests of the
child. The equal right of access to both parents must be guaranteed by a
new amendment. Children need a mother and a father. How much longer must
our children wait?"

Warwick Marsh, Convenor of the National Fatherhood Coalition and founder
of the Fatherhood Foundation may be contacted on 041 8225 212 or Office
02 4272 6677 

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News & Info

Father Survey

Dear Fatherhood Foundation
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/forms.jpg> 

My name is David Brothers and I am currently undertaking a thesis
research project (QUT based) in the area of sleep disturbances.

Many people suffer from various types of sleep disturbances.  

If you are one of these people, then you will know the frustrations
associated with trying to get a good night's sleep, and the adverse
impact that poor sleep can have on your daytime functioning.

More than 25% of people experience some form of sleep difficulty.

A further 10+% experience chronic sleep difficulties.

Disturbingly, there is an upward trend in the prevalence of such sleep
problems.

This research effort will examine the factors which separate 'good
sleepers' from 'poor sleepers'.

We are looking for male participants between the ages of 16 and 65

Whether you sleep fantastically, or suffer from chronic sleep problems,
we would love to hear from you.

If you can make time (20-25 min) to visit:  

http://www.sleepsurveys.com <http://www.sleepsurveys.com/>  

and take the Insomnia & Sleep Disturbances Survey, that would be
extremely helpful, and it would also give you an opportunity to learn
about your own sleep patterns/behaviours. 

Why take the survey ??

You will receive feedback on how your sleep compares with others who
have taken the survey

You will be entered into the draw for a Myer's gift voucher valued at
$150

Your data will ultimately be used in the development of sleep-related
treatment interventions 

You will feel incredibly warm and fuzzy, and all the better for doing
it! 

Regards

David Brothers

 
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.jpg> * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

COORDINATOR 

FATHERS & THEIR CHILDREN PROGRAM 

ANGLICARE 

Outer West Region requires a highly motivated and skilled Welfare Worker
to join our Fathers & Their Children Program based at our Rooty Hill
office. This program is a broad-based support service for fathers and
their children in the Blacktown and Penrith LGAs. You will interview and
assess clients, provide individual and/or group support and referrals to
other agencies. You will also co-ordinate the program for The Mobile
Shed, which offers activities for fathers and their children on
Saturdays in local parks. This is a part- time position for 18 hours per
week for a period of 12 months including 6 hours each Saturday. 

You possess: 

*  tertiary qualifications in social welfare or equivalent 

*  demonstrated ability to communicate (written and verbal) and
effectively liaise at both an interpersonal and organisational level 

*  demonstrated ability to work independently and as a team member 

*  demonstrated ability to assess the needs of clients 

*  sound knowledge of issues and services relating to the target group. 

*  excellent administrative and organisation skills. 

*  computer literacy with Microsoft Word and Excel 

*  current driver?s licence and comprehensively insured motor vehicle 

*  sympathetic to Christian values 

Salary and conditions are in accordance with the Social and Community
Services Employees (State) Award, Grade 3, with generous salary
sacrifice options available. 

It is an offence under the NSW Child Protection Act for a person
convicted of a serious sex offence to apply for this position. Relevant
employment screening will be conducted. 

For an information package, including selection criteria, phone 02 9832
2300. Written applications addressing the selection criteria close on
Friday 10th March, 2006 and should be forwarded to: Regional Manager,
ANGLICARE, PO Box 217, Rooty Hill NSW 2766. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Illawarra Mercury - Date:- Thursday, 02/03/2006

Parents not sure of new Govt plan

By JULIAN MURPHY
Words: 321
Section: News
Page: 4

PROPOSED changes to Australia's child support system have received a
mixed response from parents' groups.

The Federal Government on Tuesday released details of an $850 million
package to overhaul the existing scheme by June 2008.

Separated mothers say children will be the big losers under the changes,
as a majority of custodial parents will receive less financial support.

"It's going to increase the financial strain on households where
children of separated parents spend most of their time. In most cases
this is the mother's," National Council of Single Mothers executive
officer Jac Taylor said. 

"The average child support payment in Australia at the moment is $47 a
week. That amount is easily spent every week on a child and now it is
going to be reduced."

Ms Taylor welcomed plans for extra child support compliance measures.

"Our major concern is with the number of non-custodial parents who
minimise their income or don't put in tax returns," she said.

"This sort of behaviour keeps too many children in poverty."

Non-Custodial Parents Party candidate John Flanagan said a push to
introduce a child support payment discount for non-custodial parents if
they look after their child at least one night a week would backfire.

"This could encourage some vindictive custodial parents to prevent their
children seeing non-custodial parents," he said.

"This will create more tension between separated parents and only be
worse for their kids."

Mr Flanagan said the situation wouldn't improve until parents were
"treated equally by the Family Law Court".

Wollongong-based Fatherhood Foundation spokesman Warwick Marsh described
the proposed changes as a step in the right direction. However, he
questioned the timetable for their implementation. 

"We can't afford to take too long to introduce these changes because
more non-custodial parents will suffer," he said. "At the moment there
is no financial incentive for them to work and it will be better for
everyone if that is resolved."

 

************************* 

Letters

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

I want to congratulate you on your stance with regards to the family Law
reform. It is time we fathers spoke with one voice and stood up for our
rights & for justice. I am also a victim of the injustice that has
prevailed so far in the family law system.

Count my vote and full support to the National Fatherhood Coalition.

Regards

SP

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

Hey - I'm bummed out I didn't hear about the Wollongong mini-summit last
week.

Any chance you can work some sort of calendar of events into the
structure of your weekly email? I think there are many events and
meetings that would be of interest and good to know about.

Many thanks

Roger Shahani

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

That Breakfast / Luncheon sounded like it was a very emotional and
wonderful event. I would have loved to be a fly on a wall!! Yes, I think
we all should all be proud to be Dads if only very part time at that, if
only for our children and the chance to be meaningful parents. Please
keep up your wonderful work, you are modern day legends. I would like to
think that all single Dads find your newsletter very inspirational and
at times comforting to know that people like you and all the other
Fatherhood Leaders care so much and are fighting for all of us. I think
few of us single dads fail to give true credit to their very hard and
tireless work they all do on our behalf. I personally do not take their
effect lightly, in fact I am very grateful for their very strong
leadership. I only wish we could combine all our effects and appear as
one united front. Maybe we could call it : Fathers For Ever - Australia,
Inc. !! 

Thanks for your wonderful weekly news letter and a big vote of thanks to
all the Fatherhood Leaders at your event for their past and future
efforts.

Very kind regards,

 Clive Purt.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

Thanks for the articles on Barry Williams (good history and insight) and
"DAD president says it's time to tackle divorce rate" (good insight,
interesting statistics).

I was too busy to get to last weeks newsletter, and just saw the note
about Alison's miscarriage. We feel for you. My wife and I have been
praying for more children for 3 years now. I had a vasostomy (vasectomy
reversal), but no more children have come. May God give you peace as you
deal with this and move on in hope.

God bless

Steve

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Dad's Prayer

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Dear God

Help me love my wife even if it kills me, 

because death inside of my marriage

is much better than death outside of my marriage.

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About Us

Mission Statement & Help Us!

 
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h%20October,2005_Foundation%20Logo%20180.jpg> 
Mission Statement 

The Fatherhood Foundation is a charitable, non profit incorporated
association with a goal to inspire men to a greater level of excellence
as fathers, by encouraging and educating them, thereby renewing and
empowering families.

Click here for more information about us
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www.ausheart.com.au/fathers/about/index.html>  

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation believes that the key to life is giving.
That's why this newsletter is given freely without expectation.  Life is
also about relationships.  That's what being a good father is all about,
developing relationships with your loved ones.
 
If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation,
please mail your cheque or money order to:
Fatherhood Foundation
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

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