Subject: Give it your Aussie Spirit
From: <[email-masked]>
To: <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 19 Jun 2006 12:52:41 +1000

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Issue 199 - 19th June,2006 	Go to our website Here
<http://www.fathersonline.org/> 	 
 
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*	Hello Warwick
*	Grandads
*	Laughter
*	Single Dads + All Men
*	All you need is Love
*	Thought of the Week
*	Fathers Day USA
*	News & Info
*	Dad's Prayer
*	Help Us

Hello Warwick

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/World%20cup%20wi
n.jpg> What an incredible game! What an amazing result! We hugged,
shouted and danced around the living room at 1am. Even my 13 year old
daughter got out of bed to watch the game with two of my sons.  When
Australia beat Japan in the World Cup Soccer 3-1, scoring all three
goals in the last eight minutes of play, we all felt like running
outside, setting off fireworks, and waking up the whole neighbourhood
with loud explosions.  Of course that scene was replicated millions of
times all around Australia.  It brought back memories of the time the
Australians won the America's Cup in yachting, in Perth many years ago,
when the then Prime Minister, Bob Hawke, almost declared a national
holiday.

In the words of Paul Kent, sports correspondent for the Sydney paper,
the Daily Telegraph, stationed in Germany: 

Seconds after Tim Cahill's first goal - the equaliser - John Aloisi ran
to the Australian bench for a hurried word with coach Guus Hiddink.

"Do you want one of the strikers to drop back to midfield?" Aloisi
asked. 

"No," Hiddink said, "Let's go for it.  Let's go for the win. Let's not
settle for 1-1."

Two parts courage and three parts genius, Hiddink's bold gamble has
created one of Australia's greatest sporting treasures.

This match will be remembered for as long as they play soccer in this
country.  This game will be recalled whenever a list of great sporting
moments is required. Australia had trailed since the 26th minute, when a
controversial goal to Japan's Shunsuke Nakamura gave his side an
unlikely, and perhaps undeserved, 1-0 lead.  

Yet it rattled the Socceroos and they grew flustered and lost their
shape in attack towards the end of the first half, frustrated at not
finding the goal they felt they deserved.

Hiddink calmed them and inspired them at the break.

"Psychologically he said, 'Give it your Aussie spirit. Give it a go'"
midfielder Marco Bresciano said.

And so they regathered. Yet, with 83 minutes gone it appeared as though
time would beat them and their World Cup was going to end, to all
intent, after just one game.

It is hard to believe what happened next. The normal bounds of reality
were stretched and the impossible now seems only a small skip.

Cahill scored the equaliser and, rather than then playing as if they had
escaped with a lucky draw, Hiddink went to his instinct and instructed
them to continue to attack.

Japan was wilting under the 38C temperature and the high-energy needs of
playing the Socceroos, all as the Australians kept on coming. Then the
ball found Cahill again and, against all normal standards of reason, he
hit the winner to give the Socceroos the lead.

Afterwards defender Lucas Neill was asked if he realised he had just
played in what would become one of the great moments in Australian
sport..

Neill is a thinker, hardly the type to switch on to autopilot and answer
questions with a numbing cliché.

"You think so?" he said, his eyes narrowing in thought. "I hope so," he
added. "I just think it epitomises what Australia's all about.

"Every sport we compete in we've got this never-say-die attitude. We
never know when to quit and we have all been brought up as winners and I
think it has shone through again today."

There was no better way to say it: Winners.

Under the hard-baked sun, the Socceroos kept on giving and giving, even
when at times they didn't have enough to give.

Other teams might have quit, most probably would have. 

The fact that these men didn't is why it is being spoken about today.

"You're creating history," Neill said. "We're living the dream of a
nation, not just of the soccer players.

"Everybody's dream was to get Australia to the World Cup and now we're
doing it."

Even Frank Farina, former coach of the Socceroos waxed eloquent when he
said, 

"Well I'm convinced there is a God and he supports the Socceroos.  That
comeback is something you wouldn't dare script, so I can only think
someone up there is doing us some favours."

From our family's point of view, this was one of those moments of family
togetherness that would live on for generations. Besides the World Cup
and other sporting fixtures being great entertainment, they can also be
great times of bonding for the family.
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n_1.jpg> 

Recently while in Perth speaking at a forum at Perth Town Hall on issues
that affect the family, my good friend Dr Bruce Robinson took me to an
Australia Rules game featuring the West Coast Eagles.  I can't remember
the score, but it was good fun and we became closer as a result.  Bruce
shared with me how he has taken his family from a young age to the
Australian Rules Tournament and he can remember his father taking him.
These sorts of sporting fixtures can become not only great entertainment
events but ways to celebrate your family spirit.

Maybe watching such events can be an encouragement to your children in
their attitude to life.  Maybe the words of Socceroo's defender Lucas
Neill have more than a ring of truth for us all. 

"We (Australians) never know when to quit and we have all been brought
up as winners and I think it has shone through again today".

Lovework

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/Mark%20Schwarzer
.jpg> Why not book yourself and your family into a sporting game of your
choice. Dr Bruce Robinson is a father of four.  His best selling book,
'Fathering from the Fast Lane' Finch Publishing, www.finch.com.au  says
it all.  If getting your children involved in sport and attending games
as a family works for him, it can work for you and me.

Yours for more Aussie spirit

Warwick Marsh

PS On Thursday 7th September 2006 we kick off our ten week, 'Good to
Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course for the 21st Century at our
Wollongong Campus.  The course will be tougher than ever, but will
feature some of the best speakers on fatherhood in Australia and some
from around the world.  'Good to Great' is not for the faint hearted,
but if you would like to take your fatherhood skills to the next level,
'Good to Great' is worth a look.  Check out the News & Info section for
more information or email [email-masked] with your details
including phone contacts.

________________________________________ 

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is 
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in 
age from 25 years to 13 years.  Warwick is a musician, 
songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he 
can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

 

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s_1.jpg> 

The best things you can give children,

next to good habits

are good memories.

Sydney J Harris

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Laughter

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Man: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans.
Is it a boy or a girl? 

Bystander: It's a girl. She's my daughter. 

Man: Oh, please forgive me, sir. I had no idea you were her father. 

Bystander: I'm not. I'm her mother. 

_________________________________________________________________

Strangest Dream 

"I had the strangest dream last night," a man was telling his
psychiatrist. 

<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/mother%20in%20la
w.jpg> "I saw my mother, but when she turned around to look at me, I
noticed that she had your face. You can imagine, I found this very
disturbing, and in fact I woke up immediately, and couldn't get back to
sleep. I just lay there in bed waiting for morning to come, and then I
got up, drank a Coke, and came right over here for my appointment. I
thought you could help me explain the meaning of this strange dream." 

The psychiatrist was silent for a full minute before responding: 

"A Coke? You call that a breakfast?" 

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Single Dads + All Men

 

The Valuable Work of dids
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g> 

By Tony Miller

I shed more than a few tears when I received this email this week. Why?
Simply because it reflected why our work is so valuable and importantly
that it is working. This young girl has shown us by her beautiful words
that dad is still very much an important part of her life. It's not just
a message to her dad, but to all our mums and dads out there. It's not
about us, it's about our kids. There is a lesson in her email for all of
us

Tony Miller dids

[email-masked] <mailto:[email-masked]>  

Dear Tony, 

I don't know if u will get to read this because i know that you are a
very busy man, however, jus in case, by chance u happen to come across
this email some time, id just like to tell you how deeply your site and
work has touched me.

My name is emma, and i attend high school. Currently I'm in year 12 and
for Community and Family studies (one of my subjects) we've been issued
a research project on a service within our community. I came across ur
site because i knew it was founded locally and it was something that
appealed to me because my life has been turned upside down on more than
one occasion by the separation of my parents.

Reading the emails and letters from other people across the country made
me realise that what I've experienced is nothing compared to the hurt
families and children have felt before me, and no matter how bad things
get, there's always less fortunate people out there. Maybe it was
selfish of me to feel the way i have, because I'm fortunate to have my
dad still in my life. My parents get on ok and can still act civilly in
the presence of one and other, more for the sake of my sister and i
sometimes.

I love my dad so much and couldn't imagine not having him around. He's
taught me so much, and after reading the statistics on your sight I'm
very thankful for all the time i get to spend with him.

Thank you, u have made me realise just how important my dad is, and why
i love him so much, and maybe now, I'll remind him a little more often.

I admire how u pick fathers up and help them in their time of need, and
if half of Coffs Harbour (NSW, Australia) cares as much as you do, I'm
sure it would be a better place.

Thanks again for what you have shown me,

Sincerely

Emma

Name changed and details deleted for privacy reasons

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All you need is Love

  

 
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ORGAN TRANSPLANTATION: 

LIFESAVING, AND LIFE-TESTING

USA TODAY 6/13/2006

By Marilyn Elias

LOS ANGELES Comedian George Lopez vividly recalls lying on a gurney,
waiting to be taken in for his kidney transplant 14 months ago. It was
not a macho moment.

His wife, Ann, was the organ donor. An inborn defect had steadily eroded
his kidney function, and his health. Tests showed that Ann's kidney was
a good match.

Just before they wheeled her in for surgery, she gave George a note and
her rosary. "I knew he was going to be by himself, so I gave him the
rosary for comfort," she says. "And I told him in the note that this was
a gift from my heart. I was doing it for our family."

George remembers: "I was in tears. I was scared to death. But I felt how
much she loved me. It made me OK with the situation. I didn't know how
it was going to come out. But at this end, I knew that I'd been loved."

A year has made a world of difference for the Lopezes. He leaped back
into life with Ann's kidney; he was playing golf just 10 days after
surgery. And he'll be golfing again, competitively, at the biennial U.S.
Transplant Games, starting Saturday in Louisville. More than 1,200 organ
recipients will compete in 12 sports at the five-day, Olympic-style
event.

The Lopezes, both in jeans as they relax on the back patio of their
comfortable suburban L.A. home, say there's no question that organ
failure and transplant made their close marriage even closer.

Couples who ride the roller coaster of near-death and transplant for one
spouse nearly always get off at a different place than they got on. It's
often a better place, says Cheryl Jacobs, a transplant social worker at
University of Minnesota Medical Center in Minneapolis.

But marriages can crumble under such challenges, she says. Partners who
fare best tend to have tight bonds before crises set in, communicate
openly and have flexible roles, Jacobs says.

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/hurting_couple.j
pg> For example, if men who need heart transplants are too sick to ever
go back to work, their wives may have to become primary breadwinners for
the first time. Mates also might run the other way when confronted with
caregiving they never expected.

A strong bond can help

Close couples can weather even the worst crises. Isabel Stenzel-Byrnes,
34, had cystic fibrosis from birth, which caused her lungs to gradually
stop working. She met her husband, Andrew, 12 years ago at Stanford
University. "I didn't hide a thing from him," she says. "I felt if he
couldn't handle it, I didn't want to waste my time with him."

She and Andrew fell deeply in love. But it wasn't always easy, for
either of them. "I was even using oxygen at night, which is not very
sexy," Stenzel-Byrnes says. "He struggled with the fear of losing me. We
were very open."

They made it through a few near-death crises together. And since her
transplant 2 1/2 years ago, they have traveled extensively.

"We appreciate every minute we have together. We savor our time," she
says.

Catherine Paykin, transplant programs director at the National Kidney
Foundation, says she has learned to expect the unexpected from couples.
She recalls the very traditional Italian-American patriarch who couldn't
return to work even with a new heart and whose wife had to work into her
late 60s to keep their health insurance.

"He cleaned the house from top to bottom and even took care of the
grandkids. He became a different man," she says.

If partners don't change to meet new needs, the marriage may end, says
psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, a faculty member at Brown University
Medical School and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men.

One of Haltzman's patients lost his job when his kidneys failed. The
man's wife became the sole breadwinner. "He'd always been a passive
person, and he became more passive, refusing even to do the dishes or
help around the house," Haltzman says. A community group they belonged
to sent a volunteer to help with household chores. The wife wound up
leaving her husband for the helper.

A trial by fire

The crisis of organ failure and the drama of a transplant can amplify
the strengths and weaknesses couples have going in, Jacobs says.

Nobody knows that better than Steven Nock, 56, a University of Virginia
sociologist and the author of Marriage in Men's Lives.

A diabetic since age 11, he was near death from kidney failure five
years ago. After doctors said he faced a five- to seven-year wait on the
cadaver list, his wife, Daphne Spain, offered her kidney.

The transplant went fine, but Daphne nearly died because of a surgical
error. (Fewer than 1% of donors have serious complications, says
University of Minnesota transplant surgeon Arthur Matas.)

After the crisis, she had two years of almost constant pain and says she
now "keeps discomfort at bay" with regular physical therapy.

Amazingly, Spain doesn't regret giving the kidney.

"We don't have kids, so I didn't give life to another human being in my
20s or 30s. Instead, I've given life to my husband in my 50s," she says.
"I'm still here, and so is he.

"If anything, this has brought us closer."

Ann Lopez is baffled that so many people commend her altruism. "'I take
my marriage vows seriously," she says. "You're supposed to cleave to one
another in trouble. They don't understand. I love this man."

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Thought of the Week

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/Frank%20Farina.j
pg> Well I am convinced there is a God 

and he supports the Socceroos.

That comeback is something 

you wouldn't dare script,

so I can only think someone up there 

is doing us some favours.

Frank Farina

former coach of Socceroos

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Fathers Day USA

Today is Father's Day in the United States of America. 

This article has some very interesting statistics.

Father's Day by the Numbers

Jun 13, 2006

by Maggie Gallagher 

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/father%20&%20son
.jpg> On Sunday, we appreciate all good men who are fathers, which is
necessarily a bittersweet experience for Americans who mix a profound
gratitude for the men who protect, provide and care for their children
with the deep sadness of knowing so many children do not have a father
they can count on. 

When Mrs. Grundy wanted to know the intimate habits of her neighbors,
she had to sneak around, gossip and peer into living room windows.
Today, we have the government to do the job for us. This June, the
Centers for Disease Control released a new study titled "Fertility,
Contraception and Fatherhood." Drawn from the National Survey of Family
Growth, it provides the most intimate possible scientific look at the
paternal lives of men between the ages of 15 and 44. 

Who becomes a good father? Well, it helps enormously if you live with
your kids. 

Forty-nine percent of non-resident fathers say they never play with
their kids, compared to less than 1 percent of resident fathers.
Sixty-one percent of non-resident fathers never read to their kids,
compared to 17 percent of live-in dads. Forty-two percent of
non-resident dads confess they never talk to their children, compared to
less than 3 percent of full-time fathers. Fifty-seven percent of
non-resident fathers say they never eat with their kids, compared to
less than 2 percent of live-in dads. 

And if you want to live with your children, it helps to get married
first and stay married. Ninety percent of men in their first marriage
who have a biological or adopted child are living with all their kids,
compared to 60 percent of cohabiting men, 55 percent of remarried men,
39 percent of divorced single guys, and 35 percent of never-married (not
cohabiting) men. By the age of 25, a quarter of men say they've fathered
a child out of wedlock, and more than a third of all new fathers
(married and single) say their child was unplanned. 

Maybe it's all that sex. By their early 40s, 63 percent of men have had
at least six women sexually; 20 percent have had sexual relations with
20 women or more. On the other hand, 29 percent of men who marry for the
first time in their early 20s were virgins. Even 8 percent of guys who
married for the first time in their late 30s were virgins. 

One piece of good news: Divorce rates are dropping. Forty-seven percent
of men who married before 1984 saw their marriages dissolve after 10
years, compared to just 30 percent of men who married in the early '90s.
Men who have never cohabited are a catch. After 10 years, just 12
percent of such husbands have divorced, compared to 28 percent of those
who cohabited with their wife. Coming from an intact family helps a
little: 33.5 percent of men who did not live with both parents at age 14
divorced, compared to 24.5 percent of men whose parents stayed married. 

A college degree is a big plus: 14.5 percent of husbands with a
bachelor's degree ended up divorced after 10 years, compared to 34
percent of men with a high school diploma. Latino men had by far the
lowest divorce rates (20 percent after 10 years, compared to 28 percent
for non-Hispanic whites and 35 percent of African-American men). For
husbands, older is better: Just 17 percent of men who married for the
first time at age 26 divorced, compared to 27 percent of men who married
between 23 and 25 years of age. 

So, ladies, if you want to live divorce-free, here's the statistical
recipe: Marry a 26-year-old college-educated Latino man who has never
cohabited. 

One final piece of good news: 98 percent of all men with children agree,
"The rewards of being a parent are worth it, despite the cost and the
work it takes." 

Happy Father's Day. 

Maggie Gallagher is the author of three books on the marriage movement
and a nationally syndicated columnist.

Copyright © 2006 Universal Press Syndicate 

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News & Info

 
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0bigdayout%20001.JPG> 

 

 

 

 

BIG DAY OUT

Health & Lifestyle Expo was held on Sat 17 June

Hosted by AHM Total Health for BlueScope Steel employees, contractors
and families

The Fatherhood Foundation: Drew, Tony, Jason and Warwick met a lot of
new friends at BlueScope Steel's BIG DAY OUT. Their objectives read a
lot like the Fatherhood Foundation goals: love, laughter, listen, learn
- healthy living by having happy and loving family relationships.  We
have many new readers today because of the Big Day Out and we hope that
you enjoy our weekly newsletter and find ideas and ways that you can be
a great dad to your children.

Objective of Big Day Out

To facilitate change through:

Discussion with family and friends

Having fun

Providing informative material for visitor to consider

Give employees and their families:

Access to health information relating to key health issues:

# Weight management

# Exercise

# Stress management

# Tips to assist them take positive actions to assist, improve their
general health.

# An opportunity to discuss key health information with qualified people

GOOD  to  great  -  the  challenge

The 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course is a ten week, intensive
training exercise in fathering excellence. It features some of the best
speakers on fatherhood in Australia such as Brigadier Jim Wallace,
former commander of Australia's SAS. 

Commencing: 7 pm Thursday 7th September 2006 at Wollongong Campus 

Completion: 16th November 2006 - Duration: 10 weeks 

'Good to Great' is not for the faint hearted. Our children deserve the
best of the best, the world's greatest fathers. An attitude of
excellence will prevail in this course. Recruits will need integrity,
courage, self discipline and a sense of humour as well as the
determination to be a team player who will do what he must, to ensure
the success of himself and those around him. 

Modelled on the training plan of Australia's elite special forces, the
SAS.

The Australian SAS is one of the greatest special service military units
in the world. The training for SAS recruits produces soldiers who are
the best of the best - proficient, disciplined and committed leaders.
Becoming a 'Father of Excellence' will require a similar standard of
single-mindedness and devotion. The challenges and inspiration to be
gained will equip men to be effective servant leaders well able to
challenge and inspire those around them. 

Hear from fathers who have succeeded at what matters the most

Each week of 'Good to Great', you and your colleagues will be issued
with field exercises. These exercises will involve you increasing your
level of practical fatherhood skills. One such assignment will be to set
one night a week aside for family dinner. Another, to take your wife
away for a romantic weekend. Each dad will have a mentor. These fathers
will share their weaknesses and strengths and their keys for success as
a father. A pooling of our knowledge and skills will help us all to be
more effective. Everybody has something to contribute to one another's
development.

If you are up to the challenge and opportunity of being a father by
which other fathers can set their compass, then 'Good to Great' is for
you. Be more than a man, be a Father of Excellence. Do it now. Do it for
your children, yourself, your wife and family and your nation.

A questionnaire and enrolment form is available. 

Please email [email-masked]  with your name and phone number to
request an enrolment form.

Places are strictly limited. Priority will be given to those who are
first to register. A rigorous selection process will be completed and
you will be notified at the earliest opportunity.

Letters

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

Hi there, how do I apply for The 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring
Course? How much does it cost?

I read fathersonline each week, its great!!!!

Ric

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

Firstly, LUV your newsletter, look forward to it, read it and always
find some thing I can add to my fathering "tool kit.

Secondly "Good to Great" sounds wonderful, can you send me a application
form and details

Finally , what about guys that can't go to Wollongong full time, are
there part time distance education options available (eg. correspondence
course?)

Look forward to your reply

David, (Dumped Deserted Divorced Dedicated but not Desperate and no
longer Depressed Dad of two Beautiful sons)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

I am a divorced father of 3 children.  I currently pay the Child Support
Agency assessed amount of support to my ex wife for the children. I am
in a job where I earn approx 70,000 PA (Police Service).  I have been
studying in recent times to gain the qualifications and experience I
require to leave my present job and start my own business.  This will
mean that in the short term I will take a substantial reduction in pay
at least until the business is up and running successfully.  I am
hopeful the business will, after it is established, be earning far in
excess of what my current wage is.

I have been told if I leave my current job (of my own free will) and
start earning less in my new business, I should immediately submit an
estimation of earnings for the next financial year.  My ex wife is then
entitled to seek a review and it is more than likely that I will have to
continue paying the CSA assessed amount as if I was still in the police
service, simply because I still have the ability to be a police officer.

How is this fair? Especially given my ex wife was in employment as a
bookkeeper / legal secretary and chose to give that up when we split and
enrol in university studies.  She now earns nothing other than what the
government gives her and the child support I provide.  Doesn't she have
the ability to still do what she used to do?

The whole system seems extremely gender biased to me.

Name withheld 

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Dad's Prayer

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/kangaroo%20socce
r.gif> 

Dear God

I hope you don't mind me asking you a special favour,

but it's like this . . .

I'm an Australian 

and I would like to see Australia win the World Cup.

I know that sounds a little biased,

but I don't think I am really.

One-eyed maybe, but not biased.

Anyway, I know you have a lot on your mind

but would you give a bit of a shove from behind the scenes?

No bolts of lightening, no thunderclaps,

just goals, that's all I ask for and lots of them.

Even Frank Farina says you are on our side.

He seems to have had a conversion experience

and all because of our miracle win against Japan.

Be nice to everyone else,

but just help Australia win.

That's all I ask.

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us
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Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. 
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a   source
of harm. 
The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in
fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible,
involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their
children and their children's mother.
 
If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation
Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:
Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund 
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax
deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558 
 
Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA
 
The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the
Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the
Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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