Subject: Investing in Love
From: <[email-masked]>
To: <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 30 Jul 2006 07:53:55 +1000

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Issue 205 - 31st July 2006 	Go to our website Here
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*	Hello Warwick
*	Grandads
*	Laughter
*	Single Dads 
*	All you need is Love
*	Thought of the Week
*	Special Feature
*	News & Info
*	Dad's Prayer
*	Help Us

Hello Warwick

 <http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/Grandkids.jpg> 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last week in fathersonline in our 'Grandads' section we had a great
article from Diane Sollee.  Fathersonline is all about men talking to
men about fatherhood and family.  We rarely have articles by women for
that reason, but we simply had to include Diane's article because it was
so brilliant and related to the most important thing a man can do for
his children, that is, love his wife.  Diane Sollee is a grandmother and
runs a wonderful organisation called Smart Marriages in the USA.  Diane
and her team have regular emails on marriage and related issues and I
would highly recommend that you get on the Smartmarriages email list if
you are interested in ideas for marriage. http://www.smartmarriages.com
<http://www.smartmarriages.com/>   

For the past ten years Diane has been holding her own 'Gramma Week',
during which all five of her grand children come and spend 10 days with
her.  Their parents go off for a child-free 'marriage vacation'.  

Diane says, "I highly recommend it to all able-bodied grandparents as
the best marriage-strengthening gift you can give your adult kids.  My
sons and daughters-in-law look forward to it all year long.  I also
think of it as preventative grand parenting - to make sure I don't ever
end up either losing contact with my grandkids, or raising them full
time after a divorce (50% of all divorced adults return to live with
their parents after divorce, bringing their kids with them). I just do
it for the sheer pleasure, it's a total change of pace and it makes me
feel so young.  I also love giving my grand children the idea that their
parents have a romance going on that doesn't require their presence and
that marriage is fun and romantic.  They get all giggly over the idea.
'Wonder what mamma and daddy are doing right now?' I ask them.
'Probably dancing.  Probably holding hands while they kayak around the
glaciers.  Probably kissing on top of the Eiffel Tower. Tee hee."

Diane continues, "If you don't have parents that can do this, I
encourage you to set up a swap with siblings or friends.  It takes
planning - so start now.  If you can't manage a week, take a long
weekend.  It's a message to each other - and a strong message to your
kids.  We must practice what we preach."

With the 'Good to Great' - Fatherhood Mentoring Course coming up and the
fact that one  requirement of the course is to take your wife away for a
romantic weekend together, I thought it was time to practice what we
preach.

My children are no longer young so I didn't have to call in the grandma.
As we live in a regional centre, it is always nice to go to the big city
together.  It took a bit of planning, a bit of effort and a bit of
money, but we got there and it was wonderful.   We went window shopping
together, ate out together, walked through the park in the rain
together, watched a movie together, travelled on the monorail together
and generally had a fantastic time together;  the operative word being
'together'.  The fact of being together forces you to talk, among other
things.  Both men and women need this, but the daily grind of existence
can knock it out of you both pretty quickly.  It's easy to fall in love,
but you have to fight to stay in love.

Going away together, as Diane Sollee points out is sending a clear
message to your children: 'love is the reason' for their existence and
as Diane says, "that their parents have a romance going on that doesn't
require their presence, and that marriage is fun and romantic."

American psychologists, Knox & Ingster, conducted some very interesting
experiments at the race track. They asked punters how certain they were
that their horse would win.  Just after placing a bet, they were much
more confident of winning than they were just before placing the bet.
Same horse, same jockey, same track - just more certainty.  The reason
for this confidence is that most people have a deep-seated desire to be
consistent in their behaviour.  After placing a bet, the punter became
someone who supported the horse, having made a commitment to its
success.  They changed their other attitudes to fit that commitment. 

Taking your wife away for a romantic weekend increases your commitment
to her and your love for her, which then overflows to your children.
This overflow of love in the home helps produce a happy family.
Commitment shows love, and love is the reason your children exist.  What
more do you need?

Lovework

Love is the most powerful force in the Universe, so why not put it into
action in your family? Make the right bets; increase your chances at
winning.  Invest your time, effort, planning and money into the bet of
LOVE. If you invest in Love, you will eventually win the race.

Yours for more LOVE

Warwick Marsh

PS The Fatherhood Foundation is still working on going to the next
level.  Our goal is simply 'to change the world one father at a time'.
Our mission to give our children the fathers they need. Our strategy is
to inspire, encourage, educate and resource men to become the best
fathers in the world for the sake of their children.  Our children
deserve the best; why not give it to them.  If you would like to help us
in our work please check out 'Help Us' at the end of the newsletter or
email [email-masked] <mailto:[email-masked]>    Remember
that your giving is Tax Deductible.

 ________________________________________ 

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is 
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in 
age from 25 years to 13 years.  Warwick is a musician, 
songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he 
can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

 

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/Man%20Jumping.jp
g> Every man is enthusiastic at times.

One man has enthusiasm for thirty minutes,

another has it for thirty days -

but it is the man 
that has it for
thirty years

who makes a success in life.

Anonymous

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Laughter

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/man%20looking_si
ster.jpg> 

After 50 years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister
or brother, the man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was
adopted. 

"Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "but
it didn't work out and they brought you back."

 

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Single Dads 

 

God's Gift
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jpg> 

By Drew McGowan

Aimee, my beautiful daughter, was born after 7 years of trying to have a
child, two miscarriages, two IVF attempts and losing her twin in the
first 4 weeks of the pregnancy.  She is truly God's gift.  

After Aimee's birth I was retrenched, fell into a depression and was
diagnosed with Bipolar.  I remember standing beside her cot asking why I
wasn't motivated to provide for her and my wife.  I was asked not to
return home after I got out of the psychiatric clinic which I obeyed.
At that time Aimee was 6 months old, her mother left with her and I
didn't know where they were.  

Three months after they left I drove from Brisbane to Sydney to spend 3
hours with Aimee in a supervised contact centre.  There were security
guards, I was not allowed to take a photo of Aimee or change her nappy.
My ex-wife's desire was that I never play a role in Aimee's life.  I had
no option but to start legal proceedings.  Great friends stuck by me and
helped me believe in myself and the need for me to be involved in
Aimee's life.  With success at court, a judge said that the court would
not permit a child of 18 months of age being denied a relationship with
their father and no supervision was required during contact, thank God.

When Aimee was 3, I decided to move from Brisbane to Sydney.  Being a
part time dad every 6 to 8 weeks wasn't enough.  I missed out on Aimee's
first steps, her first word and so much of her early years.  It was time
to be the dad she needed.  This was the same age I was when my father
died.  

At school there was a boy who said to me, "Sucked in, you haven't got a
father." I later found out that he didn't either.  The difference was
that my dad died but his left.  I know what it is like to grow up
without a dad.  I don't want Aimee to have that experience. 

So on 31 August 2000 with no job and nowhere to live I left Brisbane and
drove to Sydney to start life as a more involved father.  The next day
was Father's Day. What a day to start 'contact', that's the technical
term for when you see your children.  What an awesome day.  

In the early days being around families was very difficult, I found
myself constantly thinking about Aimee.  Christmas and my birthday were
no longer happy times, however I have learnt to focus on the time we
have together and to make the most of every minute.  I pray for the day
that Aimee chooses to come and live with me.  Not that I want Aimee to
have to choose, no child should choose one parent over another; in fact
I find this detestable.  

My constant struggle is to continue accepting the current situation and
not be selfish.  Because I truly believe that Aimee needs her mother as
her primary carer until after puberty.  Until then I continue to be a
single man for 11 days a fortnight, a single dad for the other 3 days
and half the school holidays.

We have just spent half of the school holidays together.  From the
simplest things of tucking Aimee in at night, reading bedtime stories,
cooking dinner, washing, watching DVD's through to picnicking with
friends, making ear rings and playing table soccer.  The opportunity to
do life normally for eight days; awesome!  

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/Dad%20&%20Son.jp
g> It has been said that when a child is told something by their mother
it is how they see themself.  When their father tells them something it
is how they perceive the world sees them.  Your role as a father is
vitally important.  Winston Churchill's most famous speech was, 'Never,
Never, Never give up.'

It was a challenge to become a father and continues to be a challenge to
remain Aimee's father.  It is a fight which I will never, never, never
give up.

______________________________________________________

Drew McGowan is in the situation more and more men in our country and
the world find themselves: a part-time dad.  Most of the time he is a
single man but every second weekend he is a single dad.

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All you need is Love

  

Teach Your Child the Charity Habit

By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

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Charity and the spirit of giving have been elevated to a new level
following the recent Asian tsunami. After witnessing the horrific images
of pain and suffering streaming steadily across their TV sets, more
people than ever before have dipped deeper into their own pockets to
offer needed relief to the survivors of this unprecedented tragedy. 

Many parents are using the destruction delivered by the disaster as an
opportunity to help children learn about charity and the importance of
reaching out to others in their time of need. They have made generous
family donations, often involving their children in picking out the
charity, writing the check, and preparing and mailing the envelope. They
have allowed their children to witness turning the pain and grief of
unimaginable loss into a time of extending love and compassion to
unknown people half way around the world.

Clearly the recent tsunami provides an opportune time to teach children
about charity. But what if parents want lessons about charity to be more
than a one time occurrence? What if they want the spirit of giving to be
a way of life for their children? What if they want charity to become a
habit? 

To help your children acquire the habit of charity, consider
implementing as a family the strategies which follow.

1) Periodically go through your closets rooting out clothes you haven't
worn in awhile, clothes to be given to the Salvation Army or Good Will
for distribution to the needy. Encourage your children to do the same.
Allow them to select which clothes or toys they wish to donate. The
value of this activity is diminished greatly if you go through their
closets for them without their presence. For maximum benefit, get your
children involved in choosing the appropriate items. Take your children
with you when you drop the items off at the charitable destination.

2) Regularly engage in a service oriented project. Rake the leaves of an
elderly couple. Bake cookies for a serviceman or servicewoman. Bake
bread and deliver it to the homeless feeding station in your community.

3) Give blood. Take your children with you so they see you as a model
for giving. Talk to them about why you choose to donate blood and what
you hope it will accomplish by doing so.

4) Set up birthday parties as a time for giving to others. At your
child's first school age birthday party, ask guests to bring a gift of a
book (new or used) to be donated to a local charity. Talk to you son
about the books he has and about children who have no books. Explain
that one way to celebrate a birthday would be to give to those who have
less. Involve the birthday boy in the decision of whether not to give
the books to a woman?s shelter, a doctor's office, or some other
appropriate organization. When you deliver the books with your son,
record it on camera.

5) At regular intervals, buy dog or cat food and take it to the humane
society. Allow your children to spend some time with the recipients of
the gift. 

6) Build food baskets around the holidays and give to a needy family
suggested by your church or school. Involve your children is selecting
canned goods, fruit and other treats to include. Decorate the gift
package and deliver it together, as a family.

7) Create a charity jar to be used by the family when allowances are
distributed. Invite children to share some of their allowance with
others through donating to the jar. As the jar fills decide as a family
where to contribute the contents. You may choose to save a whale, buy
gloves for needy children, or contribute to a cancer charity among
others. Read about various charities on the internet and share this
information with your children to help them make an informed decision.

8) Do things for the elderly they have trouble doing for themselves.
Pick up sticks in your neighbors yard after a big windstorm. Mow the
grass for grandma. Wash grandpa's car. Clean their windows in the
spring. Help them plant flowers. 

9) Get on a regular service schedule at your church or synagogue. Sign
up for a time to mow the grass and trim the bushes. Take your turn
ushering and allow your child to assist.

By implementing some of the ideas above or others like them, you will be
teaching your children that charity is not reserved only for
emergencies. You will be helping them appreciate that reaching out to
others in need is a way of life, rather than a moment in time when a
catastrophic disaster occurs. Remember, while you are giving to others,
you are giving your children important messages about your beliefs
concerning the spirit of giving.

Subscribe to Parenting Tips

http://www.mercatornet.com/news/admin/[email-masked] 

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Thought of the Week

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It is easy to fall in love

But you have to fight to stay in love.

Love is the most powerful force in 

the Universe.

Let love rule your life.

You will never be sorry that you did.

Warwick Marsh

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Special Feature

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/unhappy%20couple
.jpg> 

 

 

Who's happiest? Not us

 

 

July 12, 2006 - 2:22PM

The Sydney Morning Herald

The full report can be found at the Happy Planet Index 

http://www.neweconomics.org/gen/uploads/dl44k145g5scuy453044gqbu11072006
194758.pdf 

The tiny South Pacific Ocean archipelago of Vanuatu is the happiest
country on Earth, according to a study measuring people's wellbeing and
their impact on the environment.

Colombia, Costa Rica, Dominica and Panama complete the top five in the
Happy Planet Index, compiled by the British think-tank New Economics
Foundation (NEF).

Australia is ranked 139th out of the 178 countries surveyed.

The index combines life satisfaction, life expectancy and environmental
footprint - the amount of land required to sustain the population and
absorb its energy consumption.

Zimbabwe came bottom of the rankings, below second-worst performer
Swaziland, Burundi, the Democratic Republic of Congo and Ukraine in the
survey, published today.

The Group of Eight industrial powers meet in St Petersburg this weekend
but have not much to smile about, according to the index.

Italy came out best in 66th place, ahead of Germany (81), Japan (95),
Britain (108), Canada (111), France (129).

Those worse off than Australia included the United States (150) and
Russia, in lowly 172nd place.

Andrew Simms, NEF's policy director, said the index "addresses the
relative success or failure of countries in giving their citizens a good
life while respecting the environmental resource limits on which all our
lives depend."

Nic Marks, the head of NEF's centre for wellbeing, added: "It is clear
that no single nation listed in the Happy Planet Index has got
everything right.

"But the index does reveal patterns that show how we might better
achieve long and happy lives for all, whilst living within our
environmental means," he said, according to British daily The Guardian.

"The challenge is: can we learn the lessons and apply them?"

Island nations performed particularly well in the rankings. But Vanuatu,
with a population of around 200,000, topped them all.

"Don't tell too many people, please," said Marke Lowen of Vanuatu
Online, the republic's online newspaper.

"People are generally happy here because they are very satisfied with
very little," he told The Guardian.

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/family%20vanuatu
.jpg> "This is not a consumer-driven society. Life here is about
community and family and goodwill to other people. 

It's a place where you don't worry too much."

"The only things we fear are cyclones or earthquakes."

Selected others: 17th Philippines; 23rd Indonesia; 31st China; 32nd
Thailand; 44th Malaysia; 62nd India; 64th Iceland; 70th Netherlands;
87th Spain; 88th Hong Kong; 89th Saudi Arabia; 99th Denmark; 112th
Pakistan; 115th Norway; 119th Sweden; 123rd Finland; 154th UAE; 156th
South Africa; 159th Kuwait; 166th Qatar.

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News & Info

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/reading%20paper.
jpg>   Good to Great

Fatherhood Mentoring Course

for the 21st Century

Launch and Information Night

With Brigadier Jim Wallace - former leader of Australia's SAS, speaking
about, "Fatherhood, Leadership and Keys for Happy Families" plus
graduates of past Good to Great courses.

When: Thursday 17th August 2006

What: Free BBQ

Time: 6 pm

Where: Lighthouse Church, 1 Railway Square (west side of
station),Wollongong

Information Night commences 7.15 pm

RSVP: Tuesday 15th August to [email-masked] or 02 4272 6677

Good to Great Mentoring Course 

will be running for 10 weeks from:

7th September 2006 - 16th November 2006

It includes many activities for dads and their families.

Cost of the course is $250.00 which includes a course manual and a copy
of the book, 

'Fathering from the Fast Lane'.

For more information please contact:

Fatherhood Foundation

[email-masked] 

PO Box 440

Wollongong  NSW  2520

02 4272 6677

 

_________________________________________________________

 

Procreate and Cherish

"Fathers should take a more active role in raising children" says Peter
Costello

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,19890520-462,00.html?from=rss
<http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,19890520-462,00.html?from=rss> 

Couples abandon Romance

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,19904218-2,00.html?from=rss

Marriage and Family on Hold

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,19904226-2,00.html?from=rss

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Working with Men Training Course develops a strong professional
approach for community welfare/health workers who work with men and
family relationship issues. The course combines theory and practice and
focuses on the knowledge and skills that workers need when working with
men, either individually or in groups.

The training course focuses on:

-exploring the social and emotional challenges that impact on men?s
personal and family relationships

-exploring how power, violence, and suicide affect men?s lives

-the challenges men face in moving towards mutuality and equality in
relationships

-the changing male social and work-related roles

-the diversity of men who experience different socio-cultural issues

-exploring the challenges when providing support services for men

Facilitators:   

Andrew King and Steve Sweeney. 

Andrew King is the UnitingCare Burnside Training Coordinator with eight
years experience in working with men. Steve Sweeney is an experienced
group leader with extensive experience in working with men. 

When:           

20-22 September &

15-17 November 2006 from 9.30am to4.30pm

Cost: 

$650.00 (GST is not applicable)

Visit the Burnside website for information about discount accommodation.

To register:    

To obtain an application form for this training, 

call Maureen Micallef at Burnside on 02 9768 6811 or

email [email-masked]  

or visit the web site on www.burnside.org.au 

and follow the prompts

to Resources and Training.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Letters

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

Sadly, I don't share Ms Arndt's optimism about the Family Relationship
Centres.  We have the foxes in charge of the chicken coop, surely she
can see that!?  In fact, I am increasingly disappointed in Ms Arndt's
lack of advocacy for fair representation of non-custodial parents where
it really counts, such as the CSHISC Committee.  Perhaps my expectations
are too great....

When this dreadful social experiment is proven to have failed - and that
is a given, as the foundations are so shoddily cobbled together -
another decade or more will have passed with countless other such tragic
stories.

I hate reading the paper for this very reason.

 

Matilda Bawden

[email-masked] 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Fatherhood Foundation. 

 

With all the news in the media of war and what seems to be the decline
of humanity, it is a wonder if we will ever see peace in the world.  I
guess that the answer lies in the ability and willingness of people who
want peace for the sake of the next generation, instead of those who
fight for the sake of fighting.  But sometimes when people are pushed to
fight they have no other choice but to stand up for what they believe
in.

This also applies in our personal lives because, in March of this year I
went back to court for the third time so that I could spend more time
with my 3 children and won!  I call it winning because to be there for
my children is like a battle.  Also I know that I have vindicated myself
from all the allegations my ex-wife accused me of and because I know, as
do my children, that I have never and will never do anything to harm
them.  Now after all we have been through my ex-wife has learned
absolutely nothing, because I was told by my children that my ex-wife is
plotting to take them to Queensland and in my children's words, "she is
doing it so you won't see us anymore!"

I know that this is nothing more than a game for her and using the
children is easier for her instead of building bridges and getting over
her bitter feelings towards me.  With all this in mind I know that, we,
as fathers, need to stay strong for our children and let them know that
no matter how hard it gets we will be there for them, as well as for
ourselves.  We need to stay strong for ourselves to be strong for our
children.  The way that my ex-wife is behaving may never stop, but I'll
be damned if I am going to let her interfere with the relationship that
I have with my children.  

The family court system in this country needs to change NOW not next
year or the year after and give us our rights as fathers, because we are
all suffering.  The courts also need to notice and not turn a blind eye,
to the emotional games that some women play to hurt men who are hard
working fathers that want to be there for their kids.  We need to remain
vigilant in these situations and stay strong.  

It's OK to cry when we feel sad, but it's not OK to give up on our kids.
The battle continues and all I want to do is spend my time with my
children in peace. 

For our kids, in strength. 

Thanks & keep up the GREAT work. 

Joe. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

A great message! Thank you.  

I would like some info on Good to Great - mate. 

Can't help it - its the poet in me!? . . . 

Cheers 

Tony

*  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

That story about your daughter is beautiful and very touching. If she
was my daughter I would be proud. Problem is that you have devalued her
action by telling the world. I seriously believe your daughter will not
like you telling everyone even if she gave her 'permission'. A real
catch 22 is this one. You may regret it in future years.

Regards

Peter

Father of three daughters, now 23, 27, 29.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

What a great lead story!!! I have been taking the same path with my
girls; they are 17 in Sept, 15 in Sept and 13. I really believe as they
wait and focus on what God wants for their lives, they will be much more
fulfilled.

Keep up the good work,

Steve Barnes

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Dad's Prayer

 
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Dear God

Teach me how to love.

Teach me how to put my money on the right bet.

When I am committed to LOVE 

- love is committed to me.

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us
<http://www.ausheart.com.au/fathers/about/index.html>  

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. 
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a   source
of harm. 

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in
fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible,
involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their
children and their children's mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation
Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund 
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax
deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558 

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the
Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the
Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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