Subject: Making Our Children Feel Special
From: <[email-masked]>
To: <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 17 Sep 2006 08:07:39 +1000

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Issue 211 - 11 th September, 2006 	Go to our website Here
<http://www.fathersonline.org/> 	 
 
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*	Hello Warwick
*	Grandads
*	Laughter
*	Single Dads 
*	All you need is Love
*	Thought of the Week
*	Special Feature
*	News & Info
*	Dad's Prayer
*	Help Us

Hello Warwick

 

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Fathering from the Fast Lane is without doubt one of the best books on
fathering written by an Australian author that I know. Dr Bruce Robinson
(http://www.brucerobinson.com.au/)  has become a friend of mine.  He is
a devoted father of four and a passionate advocate for excellence in
fathering.

Bruce is also passionate about his sport. When I last visited Perth,
Western Australia he insisted on taking me to the 'Holy Grail of
Australian rules ' - the Subiaco Oval so that we could watch the West
Coast Eagles beat some obscure team from Victoria.

Dr Bruce Robinson is currently overseas on a study tour but he spoke so
clearly to us on Thursday night, it was as if he was the in the same
room.  In a way he was. On Thursday night we watched a DVD of Dr Bruce
Robinson at our 'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course.  The
subject was 'Friendship and Fun with Your Family'.

In this topic Bruce invites dads to get on the Fatherhood BUS:

B - Being there for your children

U - Unconditional love

S - Make your child feel SPECIAL

Bruce divides 'being there' into being with our children and being there
for our children. He asked the poignant question, "Do our children
really know that we will always be there for them no matter what?" A
difficult question to answer, as so much of our love is conditional,
meaning that we will love people if they do certain things for us.  We
often apply do this to our children.  I was not the only one shifting
uneasily in my seat that night.
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pg> 

 Secondly Bruce spoke about 'U', unconditional love.  My good friend
Wayne Larkin has often said to me that we need to re-define love because
our society has pretty well destroyed the word 'love'. Wayne believes we
have to add the word 'unconditional' to the front end of love to help
give it real meaning.  I'm sure Bruce Robinson would agree with him.

Bruce told a story of a famous female singer, who was leading a pretty
wild and sordid lifestyle, who decided to go back to visit her small
home town in rural USA. Her father made himself scarce and left town
rather than put up with the shame associated with her visit to his small
tight knit community. A few months later that same singer died from a
drug overdose. Her name, for those who can still remember the sixties,
was Janis Joplin.  Some say that if you can remember the sixties, you
probably didn't live through them. Janis Joplin certainly didn't survive
those tumultuous times.  Bruce's question was, "Would she have died if
her father had welcomed her back with unconditional love?" a question
that will never really be answered, but certainly a prevalent question
on teenage suicide notes.  'Nobody is there for me'  or 'nobody loves
me' is a very common note written by teenagers who suicide.

Thirdly Bruce spoke about the need for making our children feel special.
At Good to Great this week I asked the men to talk about their fathers
and how he made them feel special. One man shared how his dad used to
invite him to hang out with him while they worked in his truck over the
summer holidays.  They used to fix gear boxes, replace motors and have
wonderful messy times together. He felt special because his Dad took
time to be with him. Another shared how he grew up in a very poor family
with seven siblings. He said his dad would share his meat with his
children at the dinner table, often only having a potato or small amount
of rice left for himself.  

Such stories are examples of fathers who were able to make their
children feel special and who have multiplied the fruit of their love
and commitment to future generations in more ways than one.  Let's
follow in their footsteps.

Lovework

Make your children feel special this week and have some fun at the same
time. If you do they will never forget it.

Yours for making our children feel special.

Warwick Marsh

PS Good to Great is going well.  We have received numerous enquiries
about running the course in other areas.  That is our goal.  If you
would like to assist us in helping other fathers benefit from Good to
Great, why not make a tax deductible donation today and invest in future
generations.  Details on how to give are found in the 'Help' section of
this newsletter.

___________________________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is 
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from
25 years to 13 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and
public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

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Too much love never spoils children,

children become spoiled

when we substitute 'presents' for 'presence'.

Dr Anthony P Witham

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Laughter

Kid's Prayers
 
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Single Dads 

 

Call to Action
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> 

By Simon Hunt

Dear Friends

Please put your own name to the following letter and submit it to you
local editor of your local paper.

Please feel free to change anything you want.

Please follow up by phone to 'connect' with the editor so it gets
published. 

This personalised mass submission system (PMS) is especially effective
in country regions where editors feel under pressure to support their
community and where local MPs are more easily influenced. Also it avoids
the Gender Separatist censorship common in the metro papers. 

Regards

Simon Hunt

03 5973 6933

0414 415 693

[email-masked]  

 

Letter to the editor

The Judiciaries approach to criminal and commercial matters is entirely
appropriate. i.e.: they decide who the culprit is and who the victim is
and punish or compensate them respectively. This does not work in Family
Law where a child's best interests are served by protecting them from
having one of their parents vilified and excluded. Young children's
sense of identity is of course strongly associated with their parents.
It causes them enormous distress to have one of them removed from their
lives. It also exposes them to higher risk of abuse and neglect. You can
go into the Family Court on any day of the week and see Judges handing
down orders that reduce father's access to their children to less than
two days a fortnight - sometime no 'Contact' at all, often banning
telephone contact as well, in response to allegations of 'abuse'. 

They are now supposed to give dads 'significant or substantial time'
with their kids - but 

only if they first decide dad can share 'responsibility' and if there no
allegations of abuse. 

Mediation through the new Family Relationship centres won't change
anything. All of them are run by organizations that made submissions
opposing equal time shared parenting to the Government enquiry into
Family Law. This, despite the overwhelming support of shared parenting
by ordinary Australians. The so called reforms to family law represent a
cruel deception, raising false hopes of fathers who desperately want to
stay involved with their children. Instead the very complexity of the
legislation bolters the fees of the lawyers and practitioners who feed
off the misery of children and their parents. Until children are
protected from having one of their parents vilified and removed, Family
Law will continue to be a cruel hoax perpetrated against our precious
children for profit.

Kind regards

(insert your name) 

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All you need is Love

 

FILMMAKERS LOOKING FOR LASTING LOVE IN SALT LAKE

Deseret Morning News
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couple.jpg> 

September 14, 2006

By Elaine Jarvik

He remembers one of the older couples telling him that "when you share
your life with someone, you're going to be uncomfortable some of the
time, and I don't know if your generation can put up with that."

Mat Boggs is related to a lot of people whose marriages have ended in
divorce, including his twice-divorced father, who is a marriage
counselor. So Boggs decided it might be best to look for role models
elsewhere.

Jason Miller, back left, and Mat Boggs interview Vera and George
Schrader in downtown Salt Lake for a documentary on marriage.

"I wanted to go to people who had walked the talk," says the 29-year-old
Boggs, who with his buddy Jason Miller began a quest to find the secrets
to lifelong marriages. The 28-year-old bachelors, friends since the
third grade in Oregon, are touring the country interviewing couples who
have been married at least 40 years.

This week they're looking for love in Salt Lake City, which brought them
on Wednesday to a love seat at the downtown Hilton Hotel. There, in a
scene reminiscent of "When Harry Met Sally," several Utah couples took
turns staring into a camera and talking about why they've stayed
together.

Boggs and Miller's Project Everlasting has already produced a DVD, and a
book that will be published next spring. Their current interviews will
be part of a follow-up DVD.

In the beginning, says Miller, the two bachelors would ask lengthy,
convoluted questions that reflected their own over-thought, 20-something
preoccupations. And the answer would be something like "I don't know
what you just asked me, but I love her."

Miller says he went on the tour "to be inspired to ever get into a
marriage." At 28 he's been happily single, maybe even too comfortable,
he says. He remembers one of the older couples telling him that "when
you share your life with someone, you're going to be uncomfortable some
of the time, and I don't know if your generation can put up with that."

From hundreds of hours of interviews, the two friends have pieced
together some observations they hope will help them and other young
people learn how to stay married. The major threads, not surprisingly,
turn out to be acceptance, respect, marriage over work (and even over
children), a desire to sacrifice for the other, and a realization that
even if life takes a bad turn or the relationship itself temporarily
sours, it's possible to make the

marriage last.

"There were three interviews in a row where they used the same word:
stick-to-itiveness," Miller says. "It takes the perspective of a whole
lifetime to understand that."

On Wednesday morning, Miller and Boggs interviewed two Utah couples,
LaWanna and Larry Goodrich of Roy, and Vera and George Schrader of Salt
Lake City. The Goodriches, who have been married 51 years, and the
Schraders, who have been married 58, were nominated by their children
and grandchildren after Project Everlasting got a plug on the "Today
Show."

Neither Larry nor LaWanna could think of a time when they have ever
really been mad at each other. Well, maybe that one time when they were
trying to put tint on the back window of their car and the conversation
went something like "Hold that up." "I am holding that up."

But during the first two years of the marriage, when they were just
getting to really know each other, LaWanna wrote her mom to complain
about something, maybe the way Larry rolled up the toothpaste, she can't
remember, and her mom wrote back, "Now LaWanna, that's the ups and downs
of married life, and you've just got to get used to it."

Like the Goodriches, the Schraders said that shared spiritual values
have helped keep them together. And George noted that whenever he came
home from work, Vera "always looked presentable. So I didn't have to
look somewhere else." Even that one time when he came home to find that,
after several years of asking if they could remodel the bathroom, Vera
had taken a sledgehammer to the cabinets and the floor, they didn't get
mad at each

other.

On the other hand, "certain couples can't agree on anything, but it
still works for them," Miller says.

He says he and Boggs have noticed that some successful marriages seem to
be between "good buds who wanted to do life together," and some couples
seemed to "have just fallen into marriages." But a third group seems to
have known from the first moment that they were destined for each other.

This last group is Miller's favorite. "They're the most in love, and it
shows. They'll spend the whole interview staring at each other," he
says. "And the way they sit together - you can't fit a ruler between
them."

© 2006 Deseret News Publishing Company

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Thought of the Week

 
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jpg> 

Let your children know

often that you love them

just the way they are.

Taken from 10 Commandments for Effective Fathers

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Special Feature

Steve Irwin on Family
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Taken from Andrew Denton's Interview 6 October 2003

Full Transcript

http://www.abc.net.au/tv/enoughrope/transcripts/s960998.htm  

Andrew Denton: Do you ever get down? You talked about being frightened
by human behaviour. What gets you down? 

Steve Irwin: Um, I've been down, mate, I've been down, I've been way
down. I've been down...I've been down as far as anyone can go down,
mate. I lost my mum in a car crash. I went down, I went right down. I
watched my dad suffer. I watched my whole family suffer. And I have
never felt pain like that in my entire life, my friend. And what it did
for me was it actually hammered home the whole family value thing and
what it's like to have a family and you're all...everybody's someone's
mum, you know? And I was down, I was down for the count. I was down
for...two years I was down. Way down. 

Andrew Denton: You... 

Steve Irwin: Pain. 

Andrew Denton: You truly adore your parents, don't you? 

Steve Irwin: I love my parents just so much, mate. You know, like my
mum... How'd you be, you know? I was born on her birthday, and all she
ever did was just love me and prop me up and get me back out in there.
And my dad - just the legend of the universe. When I was the tiniest
little kid, Andrew, I'd look up at my dad and he was larger than life,
he was just like this action hero. He was everything I wanted to be. And
all I've done in my life is follow in his footsteps, mimic him and try
to be him. And nowadays I just try to make him proud, mate. Yeah, I love
my parents like nothing else. It's just... They are everything to me -
absolutely everything. And the day that my mum went was the day I lost
something. I lost something. I lost something really big. 

Andrew Denton: It's interesting when you say you've mimicked your
parents, you look up to your dad, you've basically carried on the family
business. Do you have a sense of yourself as yourself? What will it be
for you when your father goes? Will you be able to be yourself? 

Steve Irwin: I see my dad getting older and older and older, and I must
admit I'm scared, I'm really, really scared, that when I lose him that
my life is going to change yet again. I am going to go down again. But
I'm really lucky that I've got the most drop-dead gorgeous wife on
earth, who is just so strong and so passionate and so Stevo-orientated. 

LAUGHTER 

Steve Irwin: No, mate, you wouldn't... She is... If I said, "Righto,
sweetheart, today we're going to jump off a cliff," she'll go, "Righto."
She'd pack a bag, though. 

Andrew Denton: Yeah. 

Steve Irwin: But she'd go, eh? 

Andrew Denton: She's practical. 

Steve Irwin: Yeah, I've got this thing...I've got the Terry factor,
mate. I've got this wife that is so incredibly intelligent and strong
that I reckon between us we'll get through it. And, of course, my
daughter is like...she's going to be a Tibetan monk. She is, like,
incredibly insightful. And when her gran died, she was very, very young
but, you know, she'd hold my hand and she'd give me strength. And to
this day, when I get an owie, like a croc bites me, you know, she'd put
banana leaves on it and stuff, and, you know, make me feel good. 

Andrew Denton: Yeah. 

Steve Irwin: I guess when that time comes, because... I'm not sure
what's going to happen but I've got some strong people, good strong
family around me, mate. 

Andrew Denton: You say that Terry's very Stevo-oriented. 

Steve Irwin: Oh, yeah. 

Andrew Denton: If Terry said to you, unlikely though this might be,
"Steve, I want you to stop the travelling, I want you to just stay
home," would you be prepared to do that? Does it work both ways? She'd
jump over a cliff for you. 

Steve Irwin: Absolutely, I'd do anything for her. Absolutely anything.
My word. I got so lucky in 1992 when she walked into the zoo. I'm doing
a crocodile demonstration, and I looked in the crowd. I'd been in the
bush for two years catching crocs. Haven't seen any sheilas. 

LAUGHTER So, yeah, I was hungry. And, um, come back and I'm doing a croc
demo, and I look into the crowd and I see her and I'm, like, "Oh!"
(Looks one way) "Whoa whoa whoa!" (Looks back at imaginary croc) To feed
the croc, you know... Bloody croc tried to kill me and that. She stayed
back and started talking to me and that was it - head over heels in
love. And if she says to me, "That's it, we're stopping, we're doing
this," then, well, I'd do it, because I know that she would not ask me
to do that if it wasn't for the benefit of us - the family. It would
have to be for the benefit of my daughter and our kid that's due to
come. Otherwise she wouldn't ask. She's not that...you know, she's not
that kind of sheila, you know? She's into what I'm into. She's as
passionate about wildlife as I am. If I said, "Go up and stick your head
in that elephant's bum," she'd do it, mate. 

Andrew Denton: You're a smooth talker, Steve Irwin. 

Steve Irwin: I am, mate. I am. Romantic. 

. . . . . . . .

Andrew Denton: What's your philosophy of fatherhood? 

Steve Irwin: Um...my philosophy of fatherhood? You know, I just treat
her exactly the same way as I would want to be treated. And, you know,
the funny thing is, Andy, I treat my wildlife the same, you know? Like,
if there was a croc there, I'd treat that croc like I'd treat my
daughter, like I'd treat you, like I'd treat my wife, like I'd treat
anyone. I treat things how I, in turn, would want to be treated. So my
little kid, I just treat her how I want to be treated. You know how...
My mum said, "You can't have ice-cream for breakfast." (Pretends to hand
bowl to daughter) "Here, sweetheart, have it."

. . . . . . .

Steve Irwin: And, um... Sorry, sweetheart. But, um, we really, really
wanted to have a boy, but now, you know, going through the ultrasound
and all that, we've said to the obstetrician, "Look, don't tell us. We
don't want to know," because it doesn't matter. It's not like we can
throw it back. It's not like we're not going to keep it. And, um, lo and
behold, Bindi wants a sister anyway. So Bindi, you know, she really
wants a sister. The reason being, every single night of her life, even
when we're up in Cape York Peninsula, just had a big day catching
crocs... We sleep together, myself and my daughter, you know, always
that's the last thing at night. We sit there and she wants to hear a
'Daddy story', and it always has to be, um..."What do you want to hear,
sweetheart?" "I want a Daddy story." "OK." "I want it when you were a
naughty boy." Like, I've got a thousand of those...or more! And, um, and
so I've told her all these naughty-boy stories, so there's no way she
wants a brother. 'Cause my sisters also tell Bindi how I was a pretty
hectic sort of a brother to have - really heavy, really hectic. 

. . . . . 

Andrew Denton: What do you... What do you and Terry fight about? 'Cause
all couples fight. 

Steve Irwin: Yeah, we do. Yeah, oh, mate. The worst one we had was a
bonzer. I said, "What is it? What are you so grumpy about? What do you
hate about me?" She's like, "Oh, I can't believe you just take your
shirts off, and throw them in the wash. Why don't you undo your buttons
like a normal person?"

 

© 2006 ABC 

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News & Info

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Encouraging Parents
too rare

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Brock affair 'shattered family'

 
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pg> By Michael Bodey and Alana Buckley-Carr

September 12, 2006 01:00am

Torn apart ... the former husband of Peter Brock's partner Julie Bamford
says the relationship ruined two families. / News Limited picture 

THE estranged husband of Peter Brock's partner, Julie Bamford, has
spoken for the first time about how the motor racing champion had
"wrecked two families".

Ron McCurdy said Brock's death last week only exacerbated the pain his
family felt when Ms Bamford abruptly left him and their two children in
May last year for what she described on Sunday as "an exceptional
journey of love and growth".

"I'll try and help her through it if she wants," Mr McCurdy said of his
wife of 36 years. "But she wouldn't want that because she didn't realise
what she put us through when she left." 

Mr McCurdy also poured scorn on Brock's contention that he and his
partner of 28 years, Bev Brock, merely drifted apart before calling it
quits last year. 

"I feel very, very sorry for Bev," he said. 

"Julie and Peter had been together for 15 years. What he said to
everyone about falling out of love with Bev is crap." 

Ms Brock last year released her book, Peter Brock - Living With a
Legend, in which she wrote of the racing driver's philandering.  (

"Eventually, though, I made a decision. It was the early 90s and there
had been one too many secretaries," she wrote. 

Brock died when his Daytona sports coupe slammed into a tree at
Gidgegannup, 40km east of Perth, on Friday, during the Targa West rally.
As police yesterday recovered the vehicle data acquisition system, or
black box, from the wreckage of Brock's coupe, his family and Ms Bamford
were preparing to accompany his body home to Melbourne today. 

The data recorder will provide details of the car's movements including
speed, braking, wheel slippage and steering-wheel angle when the vehicle
crashed. 

It is believed the Brock family has accepted an offer from the Victorian
Government for a state funeral, the details of which will be announced
today. 

Mr McCurdy admitted he contemplated suicide when his wife left without
warning. They have not divorced. 

Although the two families were long-term friends, Mr McCurdy conceded he
saw Ms Bamford and Brock's relationship brewing. "There was a bit of
closeness there but I didn't think it would go that far." 

Mr McCurdy said Bev and Julie regularly met with another close
girlfriend to discuss Peter Brock's affairs, but that they no longer
spoke to each other. 

In July, Mr McCurdy was fined $700 and ordered to undertake an anger
management course after an incident last year in which he punched Brock
in the nose. That was the last contact between the mates of 15 years,
who first met when their wives played sport together.

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20394212-2,00.html
<http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20394212-2,00.html> 

 _________________________________________________________________

Child Support Legislation Amendment 

(Reform of the Child Support Scheme

 - New Formula and Other Measures) Bill 2006

The Senate, on the recommendation of the Selection of Bills Committee,
has referred the provisions of the above Bill to the Committee for
inquiry and report by 10 October 2006.

The Minister's second reaching speech relating to the Bill is available
for your information. The text of the Bill and other information
relating to the inquiry may be accessed on the Committee's website at:
http://www.aph.gov.au/senate_ca <http://www.aph.gov.au/senate_ca>  

The Committee invites written submissions relating to the Bill which
should be lodged by Friday, 22 September 2006. The Committee prefers to
receive submissions electronically as an attached document - email:
[email-masked]
<mailto:[email-masked]>   ? otherwise by fax (number
02 6277 5829).

The Committee intends to hold a public hearing on the Bill in Melbourne
on 29 September and in Canberra on 4 October 2006.

Should you require further information please contact the Committee
Secretariat on (02) 6277 3515.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

Well done for those three CSAs/TVCs. I enjoyed the laugh - I
particularly enjoyed the hats on those disapproving women on the bus (in
the second one)! 

For the future, may I suggest something: let's have some that highlight
men doing it tough, including raising teenagers, and hanging in there
(with and without wives/partners) just as our wives and partners hang in
there with us! 

Speaking personally, I enjoyed the early years and like most men I love
'my dad is my best friend' (when it was true) but most of the mums I
talk to (even of young kids) wish their partners were more willing to
balance up the playful side with some clear, skilled parenting.

I could also question whether men are really as dumb as they appear in
these CSAs but I really have no argument with that!

Hope you're keeping well.

Keep up the great work,

Noel Giblett

Manager Counselling Services

Lifeline WA

[email-masked] <mailto:[email-masked]>  

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

While my wife & I do not particularly encourage burping at the meal
table, we do engage in burping competitions with our kids from time to
time!

Great fun.  The kids think it is a hoot.     

Kind regards

Steve Blizard

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

TRAINING COURSES

Code  WWM 3

 Working with Men Accredited Course

 Wednesday, Thursday, Friday 20,21,22 September & 15,16,17 November 2006
from 9.30am to 4.30pm

          North Parramatta

 

Code  EIT 16

Hey, Dad for Separated Fathers Facilitator Training

Wednesday, Thursday 25,26 October 2006 from 9.30am to 4.30pm

North Parramatta

Code  EIT 17

Fathers' Matters Program - Facilitator Training for an Intensive  Group
Program

Monday, Tuesday 4&5 December 2006 from 9.30am to 4.30pm

At Macarthur

To register:    To obtain an application form for this training, call
Maureen Micallef at Burnside on 02 9768 6811 or email
[email-masked] <mailto:[email-masked]>   or visit
the web site www.burnside.org.au <http://www.burnside.org.au/>   and
follow the prompts to Resources and Training

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Dad's Prayer

 

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g> 

 

Dear God

Help me be there in the moment.

Help me be there for all time.

My children need my heart.

My children need my mind.

My joy is not in the things I own

or things I cannot do.

My joy is simply found 

in being there just for you.

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us
<http://www.ausheart.com.au/fathers/about/index.html>  

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. 
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source
of harm. 

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in
fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible,
involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their
children and their children's mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation
Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund 
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax
deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558 

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the
Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the
Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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