Subject: Fair Divorce ???
From: <[email-masked]>
To: <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 26 Nov 2006 07:43:34 +1100

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Issue 221 - 13 th November, 2006 	Go to our website Here
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*	Hello Warwick
*	Grandads
*	Laughter
*	Single Dads 
*	All you need is Love
*	Thought of the Week
*	Special Feature
*	News & Info
*	Dad's Prayer
*	Help Us

Hello Warwick

 

Some time ago I received a request to
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/family%20divorce
.jpg> speak at a Fair Divorce Forum at the Western Suburbs Leagues Club
in Wollongong. When I first received this invitation, my inclination was
to 'not accept' because I don't believe that divorce can be fair. Love
is not fair. Life is not fair. My good friend Jeff Dakers prevailed upon
me to reconsider, and so I include the following excerpt from my speech
given last week for the readers of fathersonline.

What does the team at the Fatherhood Foundation believe about Fair
Divorce? We believe that unfortunately there is not such thing because
marriage is built from love and love is never fair. Famous author Ernest
Hemmingway said, 'Love is just another dirty lie . . . I know about
love. Love always hangs up behind the bathroom door. It smells like
Lysol. To hell with love".

D H Lawrence, who spent some time here in Wollongong in the early 20th
century said, "I'm not sure if a mental relation with a woman doesn't
make it impossible to love her. To know the mind of a woman is to end up
hating her."

These two famous people seem a bit negative about love and marriage but
unfortunately they are not alone Lord Byron said, "Though women are
angels, yet wedlock's the devil." Zsa Zsa Gabor said, "Husbands are like
fires. They go out when unattended." Helen Rowland said "Before marriage
a man will lie awake thinking about something you said. After marriage,
he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it." Clint Eastwood sums it
all up tongue-in-cheek, "There's only one way to have a happy marriage
and as soon as I learn what it is I will get married again."

Marriage is based on an exchange of vows, which form a covenantal
relationship in which everything you have becomes hers, and everything
she has becomes yours. Children are born from the physical exchange of
love between two people. The Bible calls it 'two becoming one'. "Herein
is the mystery. If two become one how can they be separated?"

When two pieces of wood are glued together under pressure, if you try to
pull them apart, you will rarely get an equal split. Love joins two
people together. Marriage formalises love's union. Divorce not only
destroys a marriage, but in the process it often also destroys those who
are getting divorced. Each person has pieces of the other still sticking
to them and that's one of the reasons divorce hurts like hell and should
be avoided at all costs. In many ways the pain that children have to
bear in acrimonious divorce is far worse because they are literally made
from the timbers of their parents. To separate them forcefully as the
Family Law Court does from their own biological father or mother is
beyond comprehension. The unfortunate reality is that the process of
suicidal litigation often hurts the children far more than anyone else.
My voice here tonight is raised on their behalf as the one's least
likely to be able to speak for themselves. I have experienced that sort
of pain first hand, which qualifies me to speak, even though I would
prefer not to be qualified on this issue.

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/fighting%20coupl
e_1.jpg> 
Ovid said, "Love is a kind of warfare." Pat Benatar sang, "Love is a
battlefield." My subject matter for this forum was further qualified by
the wedding of Daniel, 22, & Tneal, 21, that I attended on the weekend.
Neither Benatar nor Ovid's words would have deterred Daniel and Tneal
from embracing the death found in marriage as both die, and one
mysteriously appears in the ultimate act of love.
Tneal said in her speech as she turned towards her handsome man in his
white-vested suit, "I just want you to know that I love you with every
bit of me, and no matter what, as long as we have God, we will get
through anything." Daniel's response to Tneal was equally enthralling,
"You are amazing honey, no matter how grim the circumstance you always
fight back. You build me up when I am down, you help keep my feet on the
straight path, you make me happier than I imagined possible. You have
taught to appreciate God's wonders more.  4 years ago, or 50 million
breaths ago we held hands for the first time. Three weeks later we
talked about marriage for the first time. Eleven months ago I asked you
to marry me. Today, tomorrow and until my last breath, with pure joy in
my heart, and the Lord Jesus as our head, I want to breathe every breath
with you and take every step with you. You are my one true love and you
continually make my heart melt, skip a beat and be set on fire all at
the same time. Tneal  . . . I absolutely love you."

Maybe we should all take a lesson from Daniel & Tneal's wedding. The
reality is, we should all be aiming for better marriage not fair
divorce.  We will never have fair divorce because love and marriage are
so all-consuming. This doesn't mean we shouldn't aim for fairer divorce
especially for our children's sake. The Fatherhood Foundation will
continue to fight for fairer divorce laws, not because we believe in
fair divorce, but we must ensure no one party gains through this painful
act of self-destruction, whether they be man or woman.

The Fatherhood Foundation will continue to fight against the gross
inequities found in the current child support scheme which encourages
the failed sole custody model and continues to rob children of their
fathers even to this day.

The Fatherhood Foundation will continue to fight against the
proliferation of divorce and fight to encourage a process of better
marriage.  To quote from the introduction of Twenty One Reasons Why
Marriage Matters, published by the Fatherhood Foundation, "Marriage is
an important social good, associated with an impressively broad array of
positive outcomes for children and adults alike". We must rally together
as a community to fight for, not just fair divorce but better marriage.

Maybe the answer to our quest for better marriage is found in the
wedding speech of these two young married lovers. We must ask the author
of love, our Father in heaven to join with us in our marriages because
as Tneal says, "With God we will get through anything." 

Lovework

Keep love alive at all costs. Even when love is on life-support it can
always be resuscitated. Use young Daniel's words to inspire you to scale
the heights once again.

Yours for keeping love alive

Warwick Marsh

___________________________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is 
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from
25 years to 14 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and
public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

 
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pg> 

 

Where does a family start?

It starts with a young man 

falling in love with a girl - 

no superior alternative 

has yet been found.

Sir Winston Churchill

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Laughter

 

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Single Dads 

 

Time for an Injection of Loyalty into the Family Law

Crikey News   17 Nov 2006

Mirko Bagaric, a lawyer and author of several books, including Family
Law (2nd ed, 2005), writes:

We shouldn't treat scoundrels and faithful partners alike. That's why
plans by the Federal Government to give fathers the automatic right to
have their children tested to determine their paternity (in response to
the farcical High Court decision where a father was denied damages for
financially supporting two cuckoo children) don't go far enough.

The Magill case underscores a major divorce between law and morality.
Wide-ranging reform of the family law system is necessary. 

The reforms should be underpinned by an injection of an old-fashioned
concept which unfortunately rarely finds its way into the statute books.
The concept is loyalty - which is an obligation or preference which one
voluntarily assumes towards a living object or a cause, even when it is
contrary to one's self-interest.

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/couple%20hands.j
pg> Loyalty is a catalyst for an enormous amount of desirable human
conduct. It has been proclaimed that loyalties ground more of the
principled, honourable and other kinds of non-selfish behaviour in which
people engage than do any other moral principles. Loyalty is the force
that sees many make great personal sacrifices, by caring for sick or
infirm relatives, friends or even pets. It should be encouraged. 

Loyalty and marriage are inseparable. People would not nurture and
cultivate a marriage (and enjoy all of the benefits flowing from such an
enterprise) if they felt that their partner would leave them at the
first sign of hard times. 

The introduction of no fault divorce in 1975 was on balance a positive
reform - grumpy partners should be able to move seamlessly on to their
next normally unhappy relationship. However, the changes went too far. 

The reasons in favour of no fault divorces don?t always trump competing
considerations. 

Partners who commit egregious acts of disloyalty during marriage should
cop a financial whack when it comes to dividing up the family assets. If
the disloyalty results in cuckoo children, the cheating mother should
pay damages to her partner. 

While we have a right to choose our partner (over and over again) this
does not mean that all disloyalties should have no adverse legal
consequences. The "garden variety" betrayal (such as where one partner
has a deficit in terms of their contribution to housework or the bank
balance) should be left in the garden. 

However, fundamental betrayals - those that destroy the core of a
relationship - need to be actionable in the law. 

There are at least two sorts of betrayals that fall into this category.
The first is physical abuse - this is a no-go zone in any relationship.
The second is sexual infidelity - unless of course, the parties to the
relationship agree that this is tolerable. 

Where such betrayals lead to separation the scoundrel must pay. 

If you're still not hooked on the idea of loyalty, that's fine too -
your views are given expression in the fact that you don't need to get
married.

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All you need is Love

Tneal & Daniel Peterson's Marriage Speeches

18th November 2006
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pg> 

Tneal: What I really want to say is that I love Daniel with my whole
heart. He has been an amazing boyfriend, an awesome fiancé and I can see
him being an even better husband! Yeah, we've had our hard times and
we've had issues and problems that have tested our love for one another,
but he has never left my side.

He has always supported me, no matter what. He supported me when I was
sick and depressed from Glandular Fever; he supported me when I was out
and about sailing; he supported me when I decided to do Uni part time.
Daniel has never ever given up on me. He is one of the kindest, Godly,
most considerate people I have ever met and he makes me want to be a
better person.

It's funny how in some ways we are so similar but in others we are quite
different. For those of you that know me well, I'm the organised one out
of the two of us, but I am also the stress head. Daniel is what I would
call a peacemaker, the rightful diplomat and therefore we help each
other quite nicely.

When I was in high school, I wrote out a list of characteristics I
wanted my future husband to have. I prayed for years, "Lord please find
me someone who is a Christian, someone who is sporty, who likes sailing,
someone who is a handy man, or who at least knows how to use a hammer
and someone who will cherish me and I'll cherish back for the rest of
our lives. Now you are probably thinking, "That's asking God a lot", but
guess what? God answered my prayer, and he gave me Daniel! And although
sometimes we joke about me wishing Daniel had a better memory, Daniel is
exactly what I asked for and honey, I just want you to know that I love
you with every bit of me, and no matter what, as long as we have God, we
will get through anything.

Daniel: . . . But I guess the person I want to thank the most is Tneal,
my Honey, my One, my Beautiful, my True Love and God for blessing us
with this beautiful relationship.

Over the last four years I have been continually blessed to have you. We
have laughed together, talked together, prayed together, walked
together, travelled together. In fact one of my first memories of us is
when I came to watch you sail for the first time  . . . at this very
spot.

As we continued to grow together, the more time I spent with you the
more my heart confirmed that I was truly, deeply and most awesomely in
love with you . . I would do anything for you. This was tested on our
first Valentine's Day when you asked me to put lipstick on and kiss the
Valentines Day card I was making. I had to steal a lipstick from mum's
purse at midnight. The things you do for true love.

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/Daniel_Tneal.jpg
> If I could sum up my love for you in a nutshell . . . I would . . .
but after thinking about it I realised that my love for you is
uncontainable and indescribable.

You are amazing honey, no matter how grim the circumstance, you always
fight back. You build me up when I am down, you help keep my feet on the
straight path, you make me happier than I imagined possible. You have
taught me to appreciate God's wonders more.  4 years ago, or 50 million
breaths ago we held hands for the first time. Three weeks later we
talked about marriage for the first time. Eleven months ago I asked you
to marry me. Today, tomorrow and until my last breath, with pure joy in
my heart, and the Lord Jesus as our head, I want to breathe every breath
with you and take every step with you. You are my one true love and you
continually make my heart melt, skip a beat and be set on fire all at
the same time. Tneal  . . . I absolutely love you.

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Thought of the Week

 
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03.jpg> 

All, everything that I understand,

I understand only because I love.

Leo Tolstoy

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Special Feature

SUMMER OF 2006
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By Paul Sloan

Yamba - say it after me - Y.A.M.B.A. Yep, reckon if I were to retire -
Yamba (after Buderim of course) would be the forerunner for destination
of choice. What a place - fishing, surfing, sunburn, what else is there!
We just spent a week down at Yamba last month, and boy did we have a
great time. Sure the boat went well, sure the weather was good, sure the
caravan park was fantastic - but something we weren't so sure of was how
we would cope - this was going to be just our family - 2 tired parents,
2 teenagers, and a little 5 year old. No grandparents to help ease the
burden of keeping three very different children amused, no friends to
ease the teenager loneliness issue, and no Gloria Jeans for dad to
escape to. The result - Fantastic!

The cabin - was just how we remembered it back in 1992; I am sure the
holiday park owners knew we would be back, and wanted it to be special.
The fees - not quite how we remembered it - but you know what they say;
you get what you pay for. Jokes aside, this was a very special week for
our family. We felt the need to reconnect to our children, especially
our eldest, and the week all to ourselves was just what the doctor
ordered. Our eldest at 16, is perhaps the epitome of what a teenager is
supposed to do and be, and will certainly put the 'I' in individualism. 

Parents, if you are like me, we often consider the descriptive or era of
'Teenager' to be something of a disease - however - we should view it as
a time of life, a time that will eventually pass - a time when they will
test everything you ever said to them, testing the waters on a daily
basis! Allow me a few words to describe one area of raising teenagers
today that I am trying to come to grips with - and with 7 days in a
pokey little cabin at Yamba, an issue that kept me awake and rather
vocal throughout the week - MUSIC!!!!!!!!!

A wise man once said, that for parents to better connect with their
teenage children, a deeper appreciation of their music choice should be
strived for. Now dear readers, please let me vent here and open the box
of issues currently being tossed around our dinner table of late. Many
issues are raised on a daily basis when raising teenagers, and many are
worthy of air time - yet due to my teenage years being spent in the 70's
and early 80's, music played a big part of my life, hence the passion I
feel toward my teenage son's choice of music (I think it's music?)

Hey parents, we know our 'Bay City Rollers' from our 'AC/DC's don't we;
but throw into the equation the 'screamo' genre, and 'Senses Fail'
sounds like 'Taking Back Sunday' sounds like 'Under Oath'. Now, for the
uninitiated, the last three bands are a few of the big hitters when it
comes to the 'screamo' style of music, and according to my 16-year-old
son ? they are pretty 'sick'! But come on - why sing, I mean scream
something when you can't even understand the words - I just don't get
it.

The wise one's research suggests that nothing separates the generations
more than music - you don't have to like it - but you can learn to
appreciate that your kids (especially teens) do. Ask your kids about the
message that the band is trying to get through, we might be surprised!
To do this successfully, we need to actually listen. When teenagers want
to talk, try to discipline yourself to hang around and listen. It can be
inconvenient and you may be so tired or busy, but when they want to sit
on your bed and talk after a school event or party, stay awake and
listen! 

Needless to say - many nights in that little cabin at Yamba were spent
listening to the 'sickest' band ? 'Under Oath', and many more bands that
sounded pretty much the same. But, something I did learn was this;
regardless of the music, the taste of clothes, the lip ring, or even the
hair straightener (another story in itself), just allocating some
quality time with your children, having open ears and an open heart - we
get to appreciate what the teenager era is all about - and if we are
really lucky; maybe even be allowed to enter their arena. 

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/kids-playing-uno
.jpg> Parents - find time, visit a 'Yamba', take the UNO cards, turn the
TV off, ask a question; and prepare yourself to be a little shocked, a
little scared, and certainly feeling a little OLD. But believe me,
nothing is more precious than seeing the gap between parent and child
bridged - thankyou Yamba, thankyou to my beautiful wife and gorgeous
children; and thankyou to my Lord God who makes the whole journey
worthwhile.

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News & Info

<http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20312376-421,00.html> 

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Movember - Changing the face of Men's Health

Movember (the month formally known as November)
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/moustache.jpg>
is a charity event held during November each year.

At the start of Movember guys register with a clean shaven face. The
Movember participants known as Mo Bros then have the remainder of the
month to grow and groom their moustache and along the way raise as much
money and awareness about male health issues as possible. 

Movember culminates at the end of the month at the gala parties. These
glamorous and groomed events will see Tom Selleck and David Boon
look-a-likes battle it out on the catwalk for their chance to take home
the prestigious Man of Movember title.

Whilst growing a mo' is left to the guys, Mo Sistas (ladies that support
their guys or love mo's!) form an important part of Movember with their
powerful feminine touch, by recruiting Mo Bros, helping to raise funds
and attending the highly anticipated Gala Parties. 

But its not all fun and games, so why the extreme behaviour?

Which ever way we look at it, men are far less healthy than women. The
average life expectancy for men is 6 years less than females.

The obvious question is why? 

Part of the answer is a lack of awareness about the very real health
issues faced by males. The good old "she'll be right" attitude and a
reluctance to see a doctor about an illness or for regular medical
checks also contributes to the problem. 

The aim of Movember is to change this attitude, make male health fun by
putting the MO back on the face of fashion and in the process raise some
serious funds for key male health issues. 

The key male health causes for Movember 2006 are: 

Prostate Cancer in partnership with the Prostate Cancer Foundation of
Australia (www.prostate.org.au) because every year in Australia 2,700
men die of prostate cancer - more than the number of women who die from
breast cancer. 

Male Depression in partnership with Beyond Blue (www.beyondblue.org.au
<http://www.beyondblue.org.au/>  ) because one in six men suffer from
depression at any given time but most don't seek help. 

Testicular Cancer because it?s the second most common cancer in young
men aged 18 to 35.

We challenge you to change the face of men's health...  

www.movember.com.au <http://www.movember.com.au/>  

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Battle for Balance

Alby Schultz Mp is the sitting Federal Member for the Federal seat of
Hume.  He has produced a booklet 'The Battle for Balance - A heartfelt
war of relationships, families and money' about Child Support in
Australia. In the forward of 'The Battle for Balance', Alby writes:

'During the past couple of years I have conducted some of Australia's
most comprehensive case study research on this issue.

What I have uncovered is an alarming number of parents, in the majority
fathers, who are not only being denied a significant place in their
child's life by the Family Court but are then being driven to
desperation, and in some cases suicide, by one-sided and discriminate
legislation and a relentless bureaucracy called the Child Support
Agency.'

To request a copy of this insightful document please write to

Alby Schultz MP

Federal Member for Hume

33 Ottiwell St

Goulburn NSW 2580

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Welcome to Midlife

Noel Giblett

For One Night Only

Saturday 9th December, 2006 at KULCHA

1st Floor 13 South Terrace Fremantle. (above Dome Cafe')

Tickets at www.kulcha.com.au <http://www.kulcha.com.au/>   or phone 9336
4544

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Letters

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

It is good to see fathers and fatherhood being promoted in the media.

I do however have one criticism of an ad I have seen on television. Do
you think it is appropriate to encourage a child, irrespective of the
laugh value, to be consuming soft drink at such a young age?

And I am a little curious on what your take is on a father who happens
to be single and an atheist.

Regards 

Robert

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Dad's Prayer

 

 

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Dear God

 

Leo Tolstoy seems to have a point.

All that he understands  is understood 
because he loves.

Maybe love is the most powerful force in the Universe?

Maybe Elizabeth Barrett Browning was right 
when she said,

"Two human loves make one divine"?

Love is a complete mystery at the best of times

and sometimes I feel like Ernest Hemmingway, 

"To hell with love".

But that is why 'love' is so powerful 

because love has been to hell 

and rose again on the third day.

Love is stronger than death.

Let your love overcome my death

so that I might become a source of life

to those around me.

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us
<http://www.ausheart.com.au/fathers/about/index.html>  

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. 
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source
of harm. 

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in
fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible,
involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their
children and their children's mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation
Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund 
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax
deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558 

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the
Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the
Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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