Subject: Long Lasting Love
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To: <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 3 Dec 2006 09:17:00 +1100

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Issue 224 - 4 th December, 2006 	Go to our website Here
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*	Hello Warwick
*	Grandads
*	Laughter
*	Single Dads 
*	Special Feature
*	Thought of the Week
*	All You Need is Love
*	News & Info
*	Dad's Prayer
*	Help Us

Hello Warwick

 

Hollywood seems to be on truth serum. Not always, but certainly more
than ever before. The usual formularised trash is still being churned
out, but from reports I hear it is not selling so well, which is not
before time. "The Thing About My Folks" is a recent release on DVD and
according to ABC TV is 'very funny with a whole lot of heart'. After
watching it myself, I don't think ABC TV is too far wrong. The liner
notes tell the story well:

The Thing About My Folks teams two amazing talents, the legendary actor
Peter Falk and writer/actor Paul Reiser for a hilariously truthful look
at family and marriage. In a role written specifically for him, Peter
Falk gives one of his greatest performances as the kind of father many
of us know: affable and oblivious, exasperating and embarrassing - and
absolutely irreplaceable.

After 47 years of marriage, Muriel flies the coop, leaving husband Sam a
vaguely worded note of explanation. Son Ben is put in charge of his Dad
- a dubious honour - given that he can drive the sanest person crazy.
Father and son set out on an impromptu road trip of misadventures. It
will be a time to take a closer look at the ties that bind, and ponder
what really goes on in any marriage, and what could be changed if the
chance were given. They chat, argue, get drunk and generally create
havoc, but discover they have a good deal in common.

On their trip Ben shares a letter that his mother wrote to her husband,
Sam, just before Ben's birth some 47 years before, but had never posted.

Sam, this is the letter that should be pinned to the pillow explaining
why the wife has run off and left her husband, but I have nobody to run
off with, nor can I run off. Apparently my life is not even my own to do
away with. In my heart I must take leave of you now because unless I
disentangle myself from you emotionally I will never be a fit mother for
our children. I don't think you could measure all the tears I have shed.
When I have needed you most you found it more pressing to be anywhere
else but with me, but I know it wasn't always so . . . A comfortable
life taken for granted . . . but believe me it's not enough. Maybe it's
all I'm meant to get . . . from here on I will stop hoping in change. I
won't expect evenings to be different to each other, nor weekends to be
different to each other. I won't expect anything anymore but you have
destroyed a marriage . . . I miss your tenderness, your thoughtfulness
even your politeness. I don't know if you have it in you but I yearn for
it. Maybe someday when you have nothing else on your mind . . . 

When Ben gives this letter to his dad his response is, "Bullsh*t, that's
not the way it was!" Towards the end of the movie, Sam changes his tune
revealing a profound story of long lasting love between a man and a
woman, a father who finds his son and a son that finds a father. Funnily
enough they are all related as is usually the case. All of us have a
certain level of dysfunction - the challenge is to overcome it before it
kills you, or worse still those around you. For some of us it takes a
life time, and that's why forgiveness is so important.

Lovework

Holidays are coming up soon. Relaxation is an under-rated skill. Find
the time to watch a good movie. They are often few and far between, but
the truth serum seems to be working in Hollywood, some of the time. 'The
Thing About My Folks' could be a good start.

Yours for long lasting love

Warwick Marsh

___________________________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is 
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from
25 years to 14 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and
public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

 

 

 

Grow old with me!

The best is yet to be,

The last of life, for which the 

first was made:

Our times are in His hand

Who saith 'A whole I planned,

Youth shows but half; trust God:

see all nor be afraid!'

Robert Browning

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Laughter

 

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their
new wives duties.

Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his
wife she needed to do all the dishes and housework.  He said that it
took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house
and the dishes were all washed and put away.

Jimmie had married a woman from Canada.  He bragged that he had given
his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the
cooking.  He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but
the next day it was better.  By the third day, his house was clean, the
dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married an Australian girl.  He boasted that he told
her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed,
laundry and ironing twice a week, lawns mowed, windows cleaned and hot
meals on the table for every meal.  He said the first day he didn't see
anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day
most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his
left eye.  Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and
call a handyman.

God Bless Australian Women ...

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Single Dads 

 

A short time ago I was sitting by the hospital bed holding my daughter's
swollen hand after just having a priest anoint her as we didn't think
she was coming home. At the same time I was looking at the cards and
messages on the wall from all of you wishing, praying, supporting,
sending your energy. Shannon, at the time, was on life support in an
air-cooled bag blowing cool air over her body; she was surrounded by ice
packs and had an ice bonnet strapped to her head. She was sweating
profusely, her temperature running in the 40's, a tube which was
inserted into her side was draining her swollen gall bladder, the stench
was that of a decaying body and was at times overwhelming, her eyes were
closed. I leaned over and kissed her and whispered in her ear; "Darling
you hang in there, you just keep fighting, you have more dads and more
friends and more family then you will ever realise, all praying and
wishing you to get better. I love you mate, and I'm not leaving you, I'm
right here." She opened her eyes, staring straight up, unable to move
them. I caught a solitary tear from the corner of her left eye. I knew
she could hear me.

She was too ill to even operate on, too ill to even move from ICU to the
operating theatre. I sat there holding her hand, stroking her arm, her
face. Day would turn into night, night into day, often the nurses would
find me asleep holding her hand with my head on her bed and ask me to
leave as they needed to do something or other or maybe just to get me
out of there for a while. Back in my room I would only pace the floor or
fall to my knees asking the Good Lord if he would help me swap places
with Shannon. I am 50, she is 30, I have lived my life and not very well
I admit. She is just beginning life.

Today after 39 days of hell, Shannon is home with her partner and her
little boy. Frail but alive. Kelly another young 25 year old girl a few
beds away from Shannon passed away last week before Shannon came home.
With all her ailments she ended up contracting ARDS, the same thing
Shannon had. Shannon and I sat in silence when I told her. One was
spared, the other wasn't.

So the reason I am writing this to all my friends, to all those
thousands of people I don't even know who journeyed with us, is to
humbly say THANK YOU. It was through your intercession that Shannon came
home, that I have no doubt. As Shannon put it to the nurses and doctors,
"Words are not enough." She is right, words are not enough. You are all
in my thoughts and in my prayers but most of all in my heart. Thank you
. . . 

Please pass this on to those you know who contributed as I have no way
of reaching everyone other than the website, which to give you an idea
reached half a million hits just for the first half of November, most of
which were due to people reading my diary and wanting to know about
Shannon. Our webmaster believes we will reach 1 million hits JUST for
November. That gives you an idea of just how many kind people there are
out there who care and who helped bring my little girl home. The power
of prayer is infinite.

A special thank you to Gabriele for updating the diary and for posting
all the messages for Shannon and Kelly, I know it took a lot of work and
I cannot thank you enough. It played such an important part in enlisting
all those prayers and positive energy for my little girl. Please add
this email to it.

"We cannot always return an act of kindness to the person who bestowed
it, but we can pay back the debt by helping others" anon. 

I will endeavour to do just that . . . 

Tony Miller dids

www.dadsindistress.asn.au <http://www.dadsindistress.asn.au/>  

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Special Feature

WANT TO LIVE TO A HEALTHY 85? 

STAY TRIM (and, married......)

by Lindsey Tanner

November 20, 2006 Associated Press 

One of the largest, longest studies of aging found one more reason to
stay trim and active: It could greatly raise your odds of living to at
least age 85.

In fact, chances of being healthy in old age are better than even for
people who at mid-life have normal blood pressure, good grip strength
and several other physical characteristics associated with being fit and
active.

These include normal levels of blood glucose and fats in the blood
called triglycerides - both also associated with avoiding excess
calories and eating a diet rich in fruits and vegetables.

Other habits long linked with good health and well-being - avoiding
smoking and excess alcohol, and being married - also improved chances of
surviving well into the 80s.

The study involved 5,820 Japanese-American men from the Hawaiian island
of Oahu, who were followed for up to 40 years, but the researchers said
the results likely apply to women and men of other ethnic heritage, too.

"There appears to be a lot we can do about modifying our risk and
increasing the odds for aging more healthfully," said lead author Dr.
Bradley Willcox, a scientist at the Pacific Health Research Institute in
Honolulu.

"It's good news because it really gives you something to zero in on if
we want to be healthy at older age," Willcox said.

The results appear in Wednesday's Journal of the American Medical
Association.

The study shows "that you can still live healthy until age 85 if you
live right," said Dr. Carl Lavie, medical director of preventive
cardiology at Ochsner Medical Center in New Orleans.

Most factors the researchers identified as contributing to longevity
have long been associated with healthy living but the study does a good
job of "putting it together in one package" and showing the combined
benefits, said Lavie, who was not involved in the research.

While Japanese-American men tend to be thinner and healthier than the
general U.S. population, Lavie said it makes sense to think that the
same factors that influence their survival would also affect other
people.

The study notes that people aged 85 and older are the fastest-growing
age group in most industrialized countries and are among the largest
consumers of health care resources.

Figuring out how to help people remain healthy as they age is thus a
major research priority, the study authors said.

It's also a priority for doctors with middle-aged patients who want to
know how to survive into old age, said Dr. Gary Schaer, a cardiologist
at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago.

"This kind of paper directly affects how I take care of patients,"
Schaer said. "It's a really important study."

Study participants were in their 50s on average when the research began;
3,369 or 58 percent died before age 85. Health was evaluated at the
start and then at eight follow-up examinations.

Eleven percent - 655 men - reached a milestone the researchers dubbed
"exceptional survival." That was reaching age 85 without any mental or
physical impairment, including cancer, heart disease, stroke, lung
disease, Parkinson's disease and diabetes.

The men who had none of nine disease risk factors at mid-life had a
nearly 70 percent chance of living to age 85 and a 55 percent chance of
reaching the exceptional milestone.

By contrast, those with six or more risk factors at mid-life had a 22
percent chance of living to age 85 and a less than 10 percent chance of
exceptional survival.

The nine mid-life risk factors were: being overweight, meaning a
body-mass index of 25 or more; having high blood glucose levels, which
can lead to diabetes; having high triglyceride levels, which contribute
to heart disease; having high blood pressure; having low grip strength -
unable to squeeze at least 86 pounds of pressure with a handheld device;
smoking; consuming three or more alcoholic drinks daily; not graduating
from high school; and being unmarried.

"These risk factors can be easily measured in a clinical setting and
are, for the most part, modifiable," the researchers said.

The study was paid for by grants from the National Institutes of Health
and the Hawaii Community Foundation.

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Thought of the Week

 

 

No one can make you 

as crazy as your family.

Jeannie Wolfs Hollywood

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All You Need is Love

GOOD MARRIAGE HELPS HEART PATIENTS SURVIVE LONGER

November 20, 2006 

KARACHI: Patients of heart failure can live longer depending on how
healthy are their relationships with their spouse.

Heart failure is a complex condition to deal with. The drugs used for
heart failure are continually changing although they are becoming more
effective and patients with heart disease must also adhere closely to a
special diet and monitor their weight carefully.

Social relationship factors may be especially crucial to managing a
difficult chronic condition such as heart failure, which makes stringent
and complex demands on patients and their families.

Researchers from the University of Arizona in Tucson analysed 189 men
and women and found that heart patients who had a higher-quality
marriage were more likely to survive over an eight-year follow-up
period. Relationship quality was more important for women's survival
than men's.

Previously the researchers had shown that those who frequently had
useful discussions with their spouses about the illness and more
positive than negative interactions with their husbands or wives were
more likely to be alive after four years. After four more years, the
researchers found, those factors were still key in determining a
patient's likelihood of survival, and they were also more important than
individual patient characteristics,such as level of depression or
anxiety or coping skills. There is increasing evidence that a spouse¹s
beneficial effect on their partner's health goes beyond simple emotional
support, and involves a collaborative effort of coping with the disease.
However, in some cases, the nature of the relationship may mean a
spouse's efforts at being helpful can backfire. 

 

The findings of study appeared in a latest online issue of American
Journal of Cardiology.

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News & Info

<http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20312376-421,00.html> 

Generation X Parents: from Grunge to Grown Up

More than half (51 percent, to be exact) of kids under 18 now have
mothers and fathers who were born between 1965 and 1979, the cohort once
known as ''slackers. Roughly half of Gen-X fathers devoted three to six
hours a day to domesticity; only 39 percent of baby-boomer dads could
say the same. 

http://www.father.com/article.php?sid=157&mode=nested&order=0

 

Equal Parenting Petition in Australia

Those supporting the 50/50 equal parenting position look here:

http://www.fathers4equality-australia.org/

 

Dads in Distress Meetings.

National Information and locations

http://www.dadsindistress.asn.au/meetings.html

________________________________________________________

The Stepfamily Foundation of Alberta has launched a research study
intended to generate information about step-parenting styles. We would
be grateful if you would invite your listserv to participate.

http://www.stepfamily.ca/stepparent_survey_overview.htm 

Dr. Bill Nodrick

[email-masked] 

It's always a good idea to help stepfamilies in any way we can.
Stepfamily members who take the survey are rewarded with a free 25 page
PDF/booklet "Tools to Master 4 Essential Stepfamily Tasks" which is
reason enough to forward the survey URL to any step-couples you care
about.  Or, if you qualify as a stepfamily member, take the survey
yourself and use the booklet in your Community Healthy Marriage work.
I've snipped a piece of advice (below) as an example of what's contained
in the booklet.  - Diane

"Your partner will react to an act of kindness directed toward their
child as if you had extended two acts of kindness directly towards them
(your partner).

The same applies for an unkind act, but your partner is likely to react
as if you had acted unkindly towards them (your partner) five times."

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Dad's Prayer

 

 

 

Dear God

Maybe I could have done better

But many times I didn't.

Help me not give up on

the idea of doing better.

My loved ones deserve the best.

With Your help I can do it.

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us
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Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. 
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source
of harm. 

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in
fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible,
involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their
children and their children's mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation
Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund 
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax
deductibility)
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A/C: 25-5558 

Or mail cheque and address details to:
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WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the
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