Subject: Smiling Children
From: <[email-masked]>
To: <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 28 Jan 2007 09:03:30 +1100

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Issue 232 - 29th January, 2007 	Go to our website Here
<http://www.fathersonline.org/> 	 
 
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*	Hello Alison
*	Grandads
*	Laughter
*	Single Dads 
*	Special Feature
*	Thought of the Week
*	All You Need is Love
*	News & Info
*	Dad's Prayer
*	Help Us

Hello Alison

 

I trust you have had a great time
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/australia_day_fa
mily.jpg> with friends and family over the Australia Day weekend. It is
good to see the Australian flag making a comeback along with a stronger
belief in ourselves as a nation. It just so happens that's what I want
to talk to you about today. 

Every dad must believe in himself. His children certainly do. I have
just the right book that can help you believe in yourself.  My good
friend, Richard Hardy, sent me a copy of 'Dad Stuff' by Steve Caplin and
Simon Rose © 2005, Simon & Schuster. It contains the answers to such
tricky questions as, "Dad I'm bored!?", "Where do babies come from?",
"Are we there yet?" and a 1001 games, puzzles, tricks, jokes, trivia,
important facts and fun things to do with everyday objects. Steve and
Simon's humorous introduction gives us an idea of the content of the
book:

"As your children evolve from babies into kids, they cease seeing you
merely as a supplier of powdered mild and nappies and acquire an
interest in your bottomless fund of knowledge and experience. Almost
from the moment they begin to talk, kids are asking questions. Questions
to which you, no longer just their father but now their Dad, are
expected to have instant, accurate, relevant and entertaining answers.

And this is the problem. When our kids expect us to know everything, we
really can't disappoint them. That can wait until their late teenage
years, when they'll come to believe that everything we ever told them
was either misguided nonsense or a cunningly constructed farrago of
mistruths calculated to repress their freedom of expression.

Until that fateful day, we have their full attention. We owe it to them,
as well as to the whole of Dadkind, to preserve the myth that Dads are
infallible, all-knowing, and as near omnipotent as a mortal can be.

We need to be able to fix their toys when they break, cheer them up when
they're down, entertain them when they're bored, educate them when
they're curious, and enlighten them when they're confused. We need to be
able to juggle, to tie knots, to identify trees, and to do magic. We
need to know why the sky is blue, why you can't dig a hole right through
the earth and what to do in a thunderstorm.

Above all, Dads need to be able to make childhood fun. Whether it's
keeping them going on car journeys or organising games to play in the
park, a Dad should be an endless resource of ideas and inspiration.

None of us are perfect Dads, much as we'd like to be. And while Mums
have an established tradition of comparing notes, medical histories and
intimate details of their relationships, Dads - by nature reserved and
tight-lipped - have no such support group. We need a book to help us
become the paragons to which we all aspire. Until we find it, this one
will have to do."

'Dad Stuff' by Steve Caplin and Simon Rose © 2005, Simon & Schuster

www.angusrobertson.com.au <http://www.angusrobertson.com.au/>
www.dymocks.com.au <http://www.dymocks.com.au/>   

Can you remember those beautiful words we talked about last year: love,
laugh, listen and learn? Our children are doing this full time. We have
to work hard to keep up, but it keeps us young in the process. 'Dad
Stuff' is one of those indispensable books for fathers or grandfathers
that will put a smile on your face and more importantly on your
children's faces.

Yours for smiling children

Warwick Marsh

PS Do you know of anyone who can help us?

For the past 12 months we at the Fatherhood Foundation have been
searching for office premises. We need area in which to grow our office
team and space for our associated TV production arm.

We have been looking at renting office space but cannot find the right
property at the right price and believe it might be a better idea for us
to buy a property/office unit. We are looking for people who would be
interested in loaning to the Fatherhood Foundation - we need $60,000 at
no interest for five years as we do not have the cash deposit for such a
purchase. Loan repayments on our own property will be less than rental
of a property.

If anyone, who would like to see the Fatherhood Foundation firmly
established in its own premises, can help us please phone Warwick on 02
4272 6677, 0418 225 212 or email: [email-masked]
<mailto:[email-masked]>   

 ___________________________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 31 years. He is the father
of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 26 years
to 14 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public
speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

 

<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/grandad_kids_con
e_press.jpg> What's so 'speshul' about Grand-Parenting?

Initially, for me, it was a bit of a shock. I had not yet reached 50.
Grandfathers you see must be at least 70 and well retired. Well that was
almost 25 years ago and I am now 'Grand' Father to 9 children ranging in
age from 24 to 8 years.

One major lesson I have learned is that to be a good 'parent',
graduating as a grandparent first would be a great help; an impossible
idea I know, yet I have learned more as a grandfather than I ever did as
a regular DAD.  This arises mainly from the more 'speshul' and extended
times available to relate to these children individually and at family
events, collectively.

(At these latter events this 'Pa' has gained the dubious reputation of
taking an after dinner nap.) Another plus is that young children, at
least up to the age of 11, do not recognise that you are 'old'.

One other feature of grand-parenting that you learn is that children are
very (very) observant. It matters not whether you are gardening or
undertaking some carpentry project. They just want to assist. It may be
inconvenient but the sense of achievement they get that they have helped
their 'Pa' in the garden, held or fetched tools or tried hammering in a
nail, is for them, rewarding. Developing from this kind of interaction
grows a mutual regard from an early age, building the bridge that
provides respect and esteem, to enable later sharing even the most
confidential of more adult communication.

Grand-children are also most encouraged by grand-parents attending
school and sporting events. They are moreover, very keen to learn about
the childhood experiences of their own parents. AND yes the escapades of
our own, more ancient, childhood.

A long standing family tradition involving this ?Pa? is story telling.
Again this seems to hold true until early teenage years. My role has
been to devise 'once upon a time yarns' embracing three objects usually
- animal, vegetable and mineral. Their task is to dream up the most
unlikely combination of items.

Recently the selection -an open window, electricity and a grain of salt,
almost had me foxed. Yet an acceptable story unfolded where I was the
mad scientist who had escaped a massive explosion when focussed
lightning was used to 'split' the energy contained in the grain of salt.
Being a hero to grand-children is energy to the soul.

Neil E. Ryan

[email-masked] 

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Laughter

 A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

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"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. 

"Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in the 
 Dandenongs,
 I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a 
 young woman.
 I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
 So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker 
and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out 
his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.
 I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the living daylights out of 
 all of you!

"St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple of minutes ago." 

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Single Dads 

 

Congratulations, you are amongst the first to read Tony Miller's
introduction to his new book, 'His, Hers and the Truth', an
autobiography about Tony's journey and the work he has founded, 'dads in
distress'.  We look forward to Tony's book being published later in the
year and wish him all the best with it. We are sure it will encourage
and inspire many fathers and families across the world.

Tony would appreciate your comments. Please send them to:
[email-masked]  

His, Hers and the Truth (Pt 2)

By Tony Miller
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I am pleased watching my guys surround this newcomer, this truckie,
offering a cup of coffee, a biscuit but more importantly mateship, true
mateship. I wander over and one of the men puts his arm over my shoulder
and gives me a hug and asks me if I'm OK. 'Sure, look at what's
happening,' I say, as I nod my head towards the newcomer. He is
surrounded now with guys telling him, "Hey, I know how you feel. What
are you doing tomorrow? How about catching up over a coffee? Do you play
sports, golf maybe? Its ok mate I know how you feel, you see, we have
all been there."

I feel good; my guys are doing their work. They are making plans with
this newcomer, they are being mates, something, sadly, this country has
lost the art of. We were once famous for our mateship but somewhere
along the way we have lost it. Now, right here we are learning to
practise it once again. And I'm proud to be a part of that. The newcomer
is surrounded by lifesavers, in the true sense of the word. He doesn't
know it yet, but he most likely will become one himself. He is in good
hands and by the time we resume the second half of our meeting called
'the check out', the newcomer's whole demeanour has changed. He now has
mates: mates who will listen, not judge, just listen and who will
continue to be mates, no matter what you say.

'Check out' is normally quick and is simply 'How Do You Feel Now?',
before you go home. Each guy has a turn and it can be just one word,
although rarely is. How do you feel? We want to know so our facilitator
and his helpers can zone in on anything anyone's carrying in case they
may need a follow up before the next meeting. Everyone except the
newcomer seems OK. He says he is worried he may find the courage but
makes a commitment to be at the next meeting. I am satisfied he will be
as he is meeting for a coffee with one of my lifesavers the next day. I
know he will be OK. Call it intuition, call it what you like. I know my
guys and they will make sure this guy is covered. All is OK and we have
saved another life, that I am sure of.

I guess at this stage I had better introduce myself. My name is Tony
Miller and I am the Founder of a group called dads in distress Inc
(dids). Dads in distress is a dedicated support group of men whose
immediate concern is to stem the present trend of male suicide due to
the trauma of divorce or separation. In this country alone we lose 5
males a day to suicide, the highest at-risk group being males going
through divorce or separation.

Our motto in 'dids' is: There are three sides to every story, his, hers
and the truth  - and somewhere on the journey we come to that truth. It
can be a painful experience but extremely empowering once you have
gotten there.

Since you are reading this I am about to take you on a journey. A sad
one in most cases, but one never-the-less one that needs to be taken. I
will introduce you to my world. That of a dad in distress, a 'did'. This
is not a self help book although you may find help within the pages. If
you are a dad in distress you will no doubt find yourself somewhere in
the pages of this book. If you are a mum in distress you may also, as we
have now formed that group as well. You see it's about understanding.
It's about relationship. It's about putting our children first. It's
about realising there are no winners in divorce or separation,
especially our children.

On this journey you are going to meet lots of people, both male and
female, parent and grandparent, brother and sister, rich and famous,
poor and downtrodden. These are the people I meet, day-in day-out,
either in person, on the phone, or via email or letter. I would like to
give you an insight into my life and those I have met on my journey.
It's a wonderful journey, sad at times, funny at times but most of all
it is a beautiful insight into some real Australian mates.

One minute I am sitting in a meeting with a group of dads in distress
and the next I am lobbying politicians in Canberra. One minute I am on
the Registrar's Advisory Panel to the Child Support Agency in Canberra
and the next on the Reference Group to the Ministerial Taskforce
investigating the Child Support Agency. I am often called upon for
television or radio interviews on the subject of fatherlessness although
it's often called under a different name. Reform?. Reform of the CSA or
reform of Family Law. I travel the country opening groups, addressing
the public on the issues facing fathers.

I am no expert. Firstly and foremost, I am simply a dad in distress. A
dad wanting fairness to come about in a system that is so unfair. I
smoke, I drink and I was a drug abuser. I have been married three times.
I have five beautiful children from two of those marriages whom I adore.
I have attempted suicide more than once. I have suffered depression, as
have my children. I am adopted and have three real sisters who I rarely
see and one sister and two brothers from my adopted family. I was
sexually abused as a child and as I have recently discovered, so were my
sisters. 

I am often on the road, opening groups or calling in on a dad in
distress. Most often when people hear what I do, they cannot help but
recount their story or that of their brother, uncle, friend, father or
whoever. Sometimes when people ask what I do, I tell them I?m a plumber
and hope they have no plumbing problems to ask me about. Sometimes I
just need to get away from it. I fall into depression just like anyone
else. Sometimes it takes a while to dig myself out. But I do and that's
what this book is about.

While I am writing this my ten year old son and his mate are asleep on
the couch in front of the TV, Spongebob Squarepants is playing on the
box. My son's chest is rising up and down with his every breath. I stand
there just watching him. You know, that's what it's about: our kids. I
don't know about you, but my life other then 'dids', is about my kids.
It's about leaving them a legacy. It's about not having them go through
the traumas I have and those of others I hear. That's why I do what I
do.

Tony Miller

[email-masked] 

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Special Feature

Dad Stuff - Steve Caplin and Simon
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Rose © 2005, Simon & Schuster

Quick-fire puzzles

Some of these simply require thinking through: with others, you'll need
to allow your children to ask questions so you can guide them towards
the correct solution. Feel free to give as many clues as you like!

Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on
Earth?

Mount Everest.

What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters?

Short.

Removing tonsils is a tonsillectomy. Removing an appendix is an
appendectomy. What do you call it when a growth is removed from your
head?

A haircut.

You're in a race. Almost at the tape, you overtake the person who's
second. What position do you finish?

Second.

If two's company and three's a crowd, then what's four and five?

Nine.

What invention lets you see through walls?

A window.

How much earth in cubic feet is there in a hole 1 metre by 1 metre?

None. It's a hole.

It's cold and you're hungry. You have only one match. In a room in your
cabin is an oil lamp, a wood-burning stove and a candle. What do you
light first?

The match.

There are five apples in a basket and five people in the room. How can
you give an apple to each one and have one apple remain in the basket?

You give the basket with one apple in it to the last person.

If three cats can kill three rats in three minutes, how long will it
take 100 cats to kill 100 rats?

Three minutes.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes that's not moving?

Still no idea.

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Thought of the Week

 

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.jpg> 

Above all, 

Dads need to be able to make 

childhood fun . . . 

a dad should be an endless resource 

of ideas and inspiration.

Steve Caplin & Simon Rose

Authors of  'Dad Stuff' © 2005 Simon & Schuster UK

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All You Need is Love

 

Reader's Digest Survey Reveals Surprising Results: 

Marriage Isn't Broken and

Laughter is More Important Than Sex

<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/laughter%20coupl
e.jpg> 

NEW YORK, Jan. 11, 2007 

Reader's Digest today announced results of a survey that reveals that
despite the soaring divorce rate, Americans are hopeful and optimistic
about their marriages. Survey findings can be found online at
http://www.RD.com <http://www.rd.com/>   and throughout The 7 Stages of
Marriage, a new book written by Rita DeMaria, Ph.D., and Sari Harrar
that offers couples caring, honest, straight-forward advice about how to
improve their relationships.

"The Reader's Digest survey supports the notion that married couples are
happier in their relationships since they no longer have to be married
as they did several decades ago," said DeMaria. "Because people now
marry for love and companionship, those that are married are typically
more fulfilled in their unions."

Finding 1: Marriage Isn't Broken

- When the 1,001 married people surveyed were asked if they would marry
their spouse all over again, 71% agreed they would.

- 62% of respondents said "I love my spouse even more than when we were
first married."

- 61% of respondents married for 21 years or more find their marriage is
better than the typical American marriage.

Finding 2: Laughter is More Important Than Sex

When husbands and wives chose the factors most important for a good
marriage from a list of options, the following items rose to the top -
and fell to the bottom:

- Trust                                                          63%

- Time spent talking, laughing, having fun            52%

- Compatibility                                                30%

- Quality of Sex                                              13%

- Frequency of Sex                                           9%

Finding 3: Guys Get Mushy About Marriage Too

In the survey, participants were asked to write verbatim answers to
questions regarding their marriage. In reviewing the hundreds of
responses from men, researchers were struck at the preponderance of
highly emotional, positive and sensitive responses. The comments were in
strong contrast to common stereotypes of men as emotionally detached.
When asked to describe their most cherished marriage moments, men said:

- "Kissing in the Snow."

- "The look of joy and happiness on her face as she came toward me at
the altar."

- "The first and every time we make love."

- "I can't believe how lucky I am to have the woman of my dreams.  I
cherish every moment of every day that I'm with her."

Finding 4: Being Married Has Its Perks

- Infidelity is not a challenge most married couples face according to
the survey: When asked to choose from a list of challenges experienced
while married, "buying a new home" was noted as a challenge by 55% of
respondents making it the most popular answer while "infidelity" was at
the bottom of the list at 13%.

- Women are funnier than their husbands expected at the start of their
union: 47% of men said their wives' sense of humour is "better than
expected."

- When asked to choose from a list of things they miss from when they
were single including "being more adventurous sexually," "living by my
own rules" and "dating," men and women said "nothing at all" most often
(41%).

 

Survey findings can be found in The 7 Stages of Marriage (12/28/06,
$25.95, ISBN: 0-7621-0725-1). Additionally, visit the Love Channel at
http://www.RD.com <http://www.rd.com/>   to read the full survey
results, take a quiz to determine what stage your marriage is in, watch
video, and get personal advice from co-author and marriage therapist
Rita DeMaria Ph.D. RD.com will also feature marriage-building exercises,
polls, and daily tips on marriage and other relationship topics. The
February issue of Reader's Digest, on newsstands January 23, will
feature excerpts from the book.

* The Reader's Digest Marriage Survey was an independent survey of men
and women conducted online between 2/10/06 and 2/24/06. Survey
respondents were married and age 18+.

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News & Info

<http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20312376-421,00.html> 

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g> 

Father of all Mix ups

 

But how many times does it happen ?

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,21103431-2,00.html
<http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,21103431-2,00.html> 
_________________________________________________________

Dads in Distress in conjunction with the Child Support Agency will be
holding an open forum and information night on the new child support
changes (Parkinson Report) this coming Tuesday night (30th January 2007)
at St Michael's Catholic School in the main school hall (20 North St
NOWRA) at 7pm. 

This is a must for any one who is unsure of how these changes may affect
or benefit them, or to inquire on ones own circumstances etc.  

Everyone is welcome to attend.

Light refreshments available on the night.

For more information please contact,

David Simister (dids NOWRA)

 04127 99981

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Working with Men Training Course develops a strong professional
approach for community welfare/health workers who work with men and
family relationship issues. The course combines theory and practice and
focuses on the knowledge and skills that workers need when working with
men, either individually or in groups.

The training course focuses on:

*       exploring the social and emotional challenges that impact on
men's personal and family relationships

*       exploring how power, violence, and suicide affect men's lives

*       the challenges men face in moving towards mutuality and equality
in relationships

*       the changing male social and work-related roles

*       the diversity of men who experience different socio-cultural
issues

*       exploring the challenges when providing support services for men

To register:    

To obtain an application form for this training, call Training Program
at Burnside on 02 9843 6200 or email [email-masked]  or visit
the web site on www.burnside.org.au <http://www.burnside.org.au/>   and
follow the prompts to Resources and Training.

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Dad's Prayer

 
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6.jpg> 

Dear God

Well this seems to be a pretty tall order;

All this Dad Stuff talk about

Dad's being an endless resource

of ideas and inspiration.

That seems impossible to me!

I don't have an endless resource of ideas and inspiration

for my own life, let alone my

 children's lives ...

What did you say??

'With man this is impossible 

but with God nothing is impossible!'

Well I guess that's why 

I'm talking to you.

To pull this one off,

I need all the help I can get.

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us
<http://www.ausheart.com.au/fathers/about/index.html>  

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. 
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source
of harm. 

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in
fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible,
involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their
children and their children's mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation
Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund 
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax
deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558 

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the
Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the
Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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