Subject: The Importance of Friends
From: <[email-masked]>
To: <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 15 Apr 2007 09:23:58 +1000

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Issue 243 - 16th April, 2007 	Go to our website Here
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*	Hello Friend
*	Grandads
*	Laughter
*	Single Dads 
*	Special Feature
*	Thought of the Week
*	All You Need is Love
*	News & Info
*	Dad's Prayer
*	Help Us

Hello Friend

 

  <http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/angryman.jpg> 

It is so easy to burn up energy getting angry about the things that irk
us. Another trap is to become so overcome with the magnitude of the
problems around us that we simply throw our hands up in the air, and
give up. There is a distinct lack of progress made in pursuing either of
the above options. 

All dads face these situations every day in their families. We can
either lash out blindly against those who point out our weaknesses or
acknowledge the truth of their criticism and retreat into our cave of
inactivity.

Recently I had a similar situation arise in my work in the Fatherhood
Foundation and I was at a loss as to know what to do. Alan, who works at
a community legal centre, and I presume is helping single fathers, wrote
to the Fatherhood Foundation pointing out that our website is woefully
out of date. The last posting was 2003/2004. He went on to articulate
that we should not be on the web if we cannot update our website. The
inference being that we are failing badly in our important work and that
we really should question the legitimacy of our role as a non-profit
harm prevention charity.

When I read Alan's email, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. His
criticism of our ability to update our website is absolutely justified.
It is our Achilles heel. But . . . doesn't he know that we are doing our
best? Doesn't he know that we receive no real government funding?
Doesn't he know that we are carrying large personal debts because of our
commitment to the cause? Doesn't he know that our Uni student friend who
was updating our website for free had to move on, taking with him our
ability to keep our site updated?

Our choice has been, due to lack of funds, to keep active in our weekly
help to fathers via email, phone and courses and sacrifice any ability
to make forward motion on the web, even though this is vital to our
future success.  I have included Alan's email and my response for your
perusal along with some very wise and encouraging replies from some
trusted friends in the men's movement. Rather than reacting immediately
and putting my foot in my mouth I thought I would share Alan's
criticisms with others and get their opinion and advice. All the guys
were brilliant but Tony Miller got to the heart of the problem. 

"How sad is it that once again we are derided for the good work we do.
Warwick you need not defend what you  do, 'If you hear that someone is
speaking ill of you, instead of trying to  defend yourself, you should
say: 'He obviously does not know me very well,  since there are so many
other faults he could have mentioned'. Epictetus  (c60-110AD) 

He then said to Alan, 'He has the right to criticise, who has the heart
to help.' Abraham  Lincoln (1809-1865) . . . spare a thought for those
groups working from the heart with little or no funding, fighting a
funded opposition for a fair go."

Mark Bourne from the Richard Hillman Foundation was also very
encouraging:

"How many other organisations have put out a weekly newsletter for so
long and which other countries have a similar project? There may well be
some, but I haven't seen any, and that's after nearly a decade in this '
human misery ' industry.

Unfortunately, your problem is you care too much; about your family and
about the world we are leaving for our children, so if you did throw in
the towel you couldn't sleep."

Paul Whyte's comments from Sydney Men's Network were also good:

"I had to laugh at the comment that you got. It's down right silly. That
is exactly the attitude that we are against. Hard, mean, judgemental, no
assistance to get the work done, just expect to be served and you're
garbage if the service is less than excellent."

James Adams from Fathers4Equality was equally to the point:

"Alan, Thankyou for looking at the "Fatherhood Foundation" It is one of
hundreds of grass-roots groups in Australia, who are trying to make a
difference. Sadly we have nothing but the smell of an oily rag to keep
us going."

Barry Williams, Wayne Butler, Ian Windsor, Dr James Turner were equally
encouraging. 'a friend in need is a friend indeed'. My friends confirmed
my feelings. Alan was right and wrong all at the same time. By sharing
my problem with a few trusted friends I had spread the load, avoided an
angry knee-jerk reaction on my part, received good counsel and not
become paralysed with inactivity in the cone of silence.

Lovework
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Develop friendships with other fathers and men you respect. You never
know when you will need them. 'The friendless owner of the world is
poor'. This is the only kind of poverty you can't afford.

Yours for more friends

Warwick Marsh 

PS We hope to have our new website working in the next couple of weeks
providing we can raise the funds to do so. We are also looking for
people who can keep us updated and help with site maintenance and
supervision. Our goal is to build a virtual interactive web
community/service for fathers and families that will be state-of-the-art
that is easily updated and well able to accommodate the needs of the
Fatherhood Foundation and our subscribers over the next 5 to 10 years.

 ___________________________________________________________ 

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 31 years. He is the father
of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 26 years
to 14 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public
speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

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The more wise counsel you follow,

the better your chances.

King Solomon

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Laughter

 
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_screen.gif> 

My wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need
for Living Wills. (Otherwise known as Powers of Attorney.)

During the course of the conversation, I told her that I never wanted to
exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids
from a bottle.

She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer.

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Single Dads 

 
 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/woman-head-in-ha
ndsb&w.jpg> Editor's Note:

The Fatherhood Foundation abhors domestic violence of any kind and is
all for protecting women. Having said that, single fathers are often
unfairly accused of domestic violence and because of the strength of the
myths surrounding these issues children then become separated from their
fathers. Carey Roberts article goes a long way to debunking some of
these myths.

 

PROTECTING WOMEN

An American Story

By Carey Roberts

March 17, 2007

NewsWithViews.com

The Gender Warriors have discovered the perfect wedge issue, one that
carries raw, visceral appeal with liberals and conservatives alike, and
to a large swath of the American electorate. 

But there's a catch: For this issue to work, the truth must purged from
general awareness. 

Researchers have to be re-educated, or if need be, cowed into silence.
And the media must be goaded to cooperate. 

The issue is domestic violence. 

This area has become so strewn with Urban Legends that researchers have
dubbed them the 'woozle effect.' Remember when Winnie-the-Pooh and
Piglet went hunting and almost caught a woozle! 

Dr. Richard Gelles of the University of Pennsylvania is one of the
best-known researchers in this field. Gelles recently published an
article in Family Court Review that exposes many of these woozles.
Here's a sampling: 

-- 'The Centers for Disease Control reports that domestic violence is
the leading cause of injury to women ages 15 to 44.' Interesting, but
the CDC never said anything like that. 

-- 'According to the March of Dimes, battering during pregnancy is the
leading cause of birth defects.' That factoid certainly came as a
surprise to the March of Dimes. 

-- 'Female perpetrators of partner homicide serve longer jail sentences
than males. Here's the truth: the average prison sentence for male
offenders is 17 years, and for female murderers is 6 years. 

The woozles continue. 

This past November the Washington Times ran a front-page story that
claimed, 'A 2005 U.N. Population Fund report found that 70% of married
women in India were victims of beatings or rape.' 

The notion that 70% of Indian husbands are batterers or rapists defies
reason or common sense. So on November 28 the Washington Times was
compelled to admit the mistake, saying the United Nations 'does not have
sufficient data' to make any such claim. 

Then there's the outright suppression of research findings, like one
federally funded survey directed by the Kentucky Commission on Women.
The interviews revealed that 38% of all violence consisted of unprovoked
attacks by women on their male partners -- but that key statistic was
omitted from the final report. The cover-up was not discovered until
other researchers obtained a copy of the raw data. 

And recently the U.S. Department of Justice issued a grant solicitation
that specifically prohibited any 'proposals for research on intimate
partner violence against, or stalking of males of any age.' How's that
for good ol' fashioned sex bias'

But scientists are still reluctant to kow-tow to the whims of political
correctness. So extraordinary measures may become necessary. 

Dr. Suzanne Steinmetz knows this from first-hand experience. Her
research at the University Delaware revealed that women are as likely to
resort to partner violence as men. In response, partisans launched a
year-long intimidation campaign. The organizers of one conference were
threatened that 'if they allowed me to speak, the place would be bombed
- I also received a couple of phone calls saying it wouldn't be safe for
my children to go out,' Steinmetz later revealed. 

Murray Straus of the University of New Hampshire, honored with many
awards for his research on family violence, has been shunned for not
toeing the ideological line. He has been threatened, heckled, and booed
to the point of preventing him from speaking at several college forums. 

Another target of the tyranny of ideological conformity is Erin Pizzey.
Founder of the first women's shelter in England, Pizzey published a book
that revealed 62% of the women at her shelter had physically attacked
their male partners. The result-The police had to be summoned to escort
her on the book tour, and she was once shot at.  

All this, of course, in the name of stopping violence against women. 

Some would say the distortions and the threats are justified. After all,
the domestic violence industry has succeeded in leveraging persons-fears
into a $1 billion-a-year campaign devoted to protecting women from
abuse. Why take issue with that? 

But what if the truth came out that our country's War on Domestic Abuse
was flatly ineffective in reducing violence, that it ignored the wishes
of victims, and that it sometimes placed women at greater risk of abuse!

And what if it became known that our nation's domestic violence laws
were violating the civil rights of millions and were needlessly breaking
up families, forcing children to grow up in single-parent households! 

What would we do then?

2007 Carey Roberts - All Rights Reserved

Carey Roberts is an analyst and commentator on political correctness.
His best-known work was an expos on Marxism and radical feminism. Mr.
Roberts' work has been cited on the Rush Limbaugh show.  He is a regular
contributor to www.NewsWithViews.com <http://www.newswithviews.com/> 

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Special Feature

 

NAIL IN THE FENCE
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il_in_board_lg_clr.gif> 

Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence.

(Most importantly the last sentence.)

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. 

His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost
his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. 

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. 

Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number
of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. 

He discovered it was easier to hold his temper 

than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. 

He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now
pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. 

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father
that all the nails were gone. 

The father took his son by the  hand and led him to the fence. 

He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the
fence. 

The fence will never be the same. 

When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. 

You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. 

It won't matter how many times you say I'm  sorry, the wound is still
there." 

A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. 

Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. 

They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. 

They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to
open their hearts to us." 

 

PLEASE FORGIVE ME if I have ever left a hole

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Thought of the Week

 
<http://www.bosweb.com.au/content/EB3TemplateImages/771/friends-cats-lar
ge.jpg> Everybody needs somebody sometime!

Dean Martin

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All You Need is Love

 
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.jpg> 

SEPARATE WAYS 

Ricky Trevino  

He was never much for shopping.

But you'd always see him with her at the store.

She was never much for football.

She'd sit there and pretend she wasn't bored

You saw one, you saw the other.

Like a two lane Texas highway straight and true.

But just over that horizon the road that they were riding split in two.

Separate ways, his and hers

A love that went from great, to good, to bad, to worse

Separate lives, what a waste

The last thing they ever did together was go their separate ways

It really scares me baby.

How easily that good love slipped away.

Let's remember that forever is something that we should work at
everyday.

And after all those years together, it killed me when I saw their love
go bad. 

So let's hold on to each other and don't end up like my mother and my
dad.

Separate ways his and hers.

A love that went from great, to good, to bad, to worse.

Separate lives, what a waste.

The last thing they ever did together was go their separate ways

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g> 

Yeah the last thing they ever did together

Will haunt me forever and ever

Let's promise one another that we'll never go our separate ways.

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News & Info

 

Men's Fraternity

Dr Robert Lewis

Will be speaking in Australia at the following dates and locations

Sunshine Coast -Friday 20th April -9:00am to 12:00pm

Brisbane -Friday 20th April -7:00pm to 10:00pm

Gold Coast -Saturday 21st April -9:00am to 12:00pm

Burwood -Monday 23rd April -9:00am to 12:00pm

Sydenham -Monday 23rd April -7:00pm to 10:00pm

Geelong -Tuesday 24th April -9:00am to 12:00pm

North Sydney -Thursday 26th April -9:00am to 12:00pm

Castle Hill -Thursday 26th April -7:00pm to 10:00pm

South Sydney -Saturday 28th April -8:30am to 11:30am

Wollongong - Saturday 28th April - Afternoon

For further information:

http://www.crsforums.info/mensfraternity 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

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jpg> 

Regional Men's Day - 28th April 2007

The Annual Illawarra/South Coast Regional Men's Day will be held at the
Yallah Roadhouse on Saturday 28th April 2007.

Speakers will be:

In the morning: Alan Stewart - previous director of Anglican Youth
Works.

In the afternoon: Robert M. Lewis - founder of Men's Fraternity, Little
Rock, Arkansas, USA, author of 'Raising Modern Day Knights' and other
books on men's issues.

For more information, contact John Cornford at Albion Park  Ph: 02
42562103

Also, go to the website www.gongmensday.net for brochure and on-line
registration

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

'Good to Great' Fatherhood Mentoring Course

Course Information Night - 10 week course commencing 5th Sept 07

Wednesday 2nd May 2007

7 pm - 9 pm

Gracepoint Baptist Church

8-10 Soudan St

Randwick

Light refreshments

Please phone 02 9399 5959 for bookings.

10 week course will commence 5th September 2007

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Ballarat Men's Conference

May 4-5, 2007

65 Albert Street

Sebastopol, Vic. 3356

Speakers: Ian Richardson & Warwick Marsh

For more details phone: 03 5336 1166

http://www.bcc.org.au/mensministry.aspx

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Smacking is not Child Abuse

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,21523264-5007146,00.html
<http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,21523264-5007146,00.html> 

_________________________________________________________

Letters

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

I work at a Community Legal Centre. I found your website while
researching on single fathers and family law.

It has quite a lot of information, but it's all related to the last
federal election in 2004 and even goes as far as mentioning the now
defunct Mark Latham!

 The   "Fatherhood and values checklist" could be a valuable source, but
is clearly way out of date.

It's disappointing to find that you've not updated for at least three
years, and I'm wondering why as if you want to present yourselves as a
viable source of information ( and let's face it there is a pressing
need for this), then you're not doing the job very well at all. There is
no way I will be referring clients to your website. 

I look forward to seeing your site updated - if you don't, you shouldn't
be on the net.

Alan

A rare reply from the editor:

Dear Alan

Maybe you're right. Maybe we/I should admit defeat pack up and just go
away and leave the work up to the well funded idiots and cashed up
father-hating family-based organisations that the government funds to
the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars. No, billions of dollars!!!!

Maybe I will wake up and realise its all a bad dream that I have been
part of for the last several years churning out the weekly
fathersonline, doing fatherhood courses, counselling men who are about
to commit suicide, going down to parliament and making a stand for
truth, justice and  the things that really matter. I haven't got the
money to renew my website properly nor have I got the money for very
much else besides. Food is also a pressing issue for a father with four
children still at home. Time is also a problem when you are trying to do
the impossible with nothing.

I thought I might copy your gracious email in on a few of my friends in
the men's movement with your kind permission to see if they might have
any further comments on my lack of activity and inability?

What do you think guys??? Maybe Alan is right. We don't have the money
or the staff or the necessary expertise. We are always relying on
friends and freebies and eventually we run out of those. None of us can
do the job properly so let's just give up now. Call it quits and go get
a life for ourselves.

Kind Regards

Warwick Marsh

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

Some of you would know I am going to be home schooling my son for the
rest of this year. I created a blog to journal the process. If you are
interested to see my first entry go to:
http://manlyhomeschooler.blogspot.com/ 

Regards

Ian

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Dad's Prayer

 

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g> 

 

 

Dear God

Help me know when not to go it alone.

Help me to know when I should call up my friends.

Help me listen to advice 

and be humble enough to ask for it and put it into action.

Help me to ask my family too,

because they know me better than I know myself.

They have to live with me all the time and

sometimes even that is too much.

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us
<http://www.ausheart.com.au/fathers/about/index.html>  

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. 
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source
of harm. 

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in
fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible,
involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their
children and their children's mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation
Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund 
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax
deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558 

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the
Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the
Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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